TJ suffers some déjà vu, and not the “glitch in The Matrix†type. Fez finally caves in and does his part to get things back to normal in the NFL world. It’s Fez and TJ’s NFL Power Rankings, Week 9 Edition! Fez: Hello, readers! Welcome to our weekly Power Rankings! As you probably know, two coaches got worrisome health issues this week. Broncos HC John Fox got lightheaded at a golf course, and will need surgery in a heart valve. As if it wasn’t enough, Texans HC Gary Kubiak collapsed on the field at halftime of the Colts-Texans SNF matchup and got taken to the hospital as a cautionary measure. And of course, the lingering threat of dozens of fans having heart attacks upon learning that Jack del Rio and Wade Phillips are their teams’ new head coaches. TJ insists this is all happening because I refuse to rank the Chiefs at #1, even though the ITQ Vixen (TJ’s alma mater team) are on their schedule. You know what? I can’t fight it. I don’t want to have any blood in my hands. I give up. Kansas will be #1, but only for this week, alright? I also have my integrity in jeopardy so I can’t rank them there for more than a week, but I don’t want any other coach going down because of this nonsense. TJ: Hi, Everybody!! Besides the two coaches going down during the week, and who will probably be listed in their team’s injury report as “Out (Heart)â€, lots of weird stuff happened this week in the NFL, and it CANNOT be a coincidence. Consider the following: - Antonio Ramiro Romo threw a game-winning TD. In the 4th Quarter. In the last two minutes. And he won the game. - The Steelers gave up 55 points FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FRANCHISE HISTORY. - The New Orleans Saints, juggernauts from the NFC South lost to the Jets. THE JETS!!! - The NFC East went UNDEFEATED this week. I repeat: No team from the NFC Least lost this week!! I don’t know about you, but that crap is scary…so I had to talk Fez into finally give in and rank the Chiefs in first place. The football gods are pissed at us, maybe that’s why I keep working all these hours. Anyway, here is your week 9 edition of Fez & TJ’s NFL Power Rankings presented by Gridironfans.com. Enjoy!! 1.- Kansas City Chiefs (Last Week: 5) 2013 Record: 9-0 (1st in AFC West) Week 9: W at Buffalo, 23-13 Week 10: BYE Fez: Wait, that Kansas City name and logo are missing something… wait for it, wait for it… There it is. Oh well, the Chiefs stout defense saves the day for The Mediocre Game Manager once again. You’d never believe this, but there is a 100+ page discussion on the 49ers board about whether The Mediocre Game Manager should be considered for league MVP. No, really. I’m not crapting you. A guy who’s averaging 1 TD per game and doesn’t even crack an 82 QB rating makes Alexsexuals believe he should be in the conversation with Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Shady McCoy and, you know, all other offensive and defensive players who actually contribute in a big way. Sigh. Coming up for them: the bye week, which is a much tougher challenge than the past 5 opponents. TJ: Is it possible that Fez hates Alex Smith more than I hate Ramiro Romo? I used to think it wasn’t the case, but I’m starting to have second thoughts!! I’d bet you anything that if the Chiefs QB was, say, Brady Quinn, he’d have no problem having them in 1st place, and this massacre would have never happened. Come on, Fez!! Stop the hate!! Think about the children!! Of course, putting myself in his shoes, I think about a scenario in which Ramiro is mercifully traded away, when we find a QB gem in the second round of the draft, but then Ramiro, in NFL Hell (say, Cleveland), becomes a clutch QB and takes the Browns all the way to the Super Bowl. Would I be bitter? You bet your butt I’d be bitter!! So I kind of see his point…I don’t support it, but I can understand. 2.- Indianapolis Colts (Last Week: 2) 2013 Record: 6-2 (1st in AFC South) Week 9: W at Houston, 24-17 (SNF) Week 10: vs St. Louis Fez: Wow, missing Reggie Wayne much? Andrew Luck suddenly looked like he was in full sophomore slump thanks to missing his #1 target. It’s gonna be interesting how the Colts adjust to playing without their star WR, with a bunch of deep threats and subpar running backs. I guess that as long as T.Y. Hilton is there to run past defensive backs, the Colts will stay in the hunt. But it isn’t pretty; at times they look really lost out there. TJ: I don’t think they should be this high after taking advantage of a distracted team in the second half of last Sunday night game, but then again, who should we place here? The Broncos already lost to them, the Seahawks don’t look as dominant anymore, and the Pats crushed the Steelers which would’ve meant a lot 3 years ago. So this looks about right after considering the circumstances. Are they regretting that trade for Trent Richardson 3.0 already, or should we give them a couple more weeks? 3.- Denver Broncos (Last Week: 3) 2013 Record: 7-1 (2nd in AFC West) Week 9: BYE Week 10: at San Diego Fez: Shout out to coach John Fox. Hope he gets well and is back for the playoffs. While he has very little to do with the offensive juggernaut that is Peyton Manning and Co., the team is better off with him in charge instead of Jack del Rio. Here’s also hoping this Fez curse is stopped by its natural course, after the Broncos take down Kansas City two weeks from now so I don’t have to defend not ranking the Chiefs at #1. Go Denver. Just for that week, of course. TJ: Yeah, thoughts and prayers for coach Fox. I’m sure Peyton will now pretend Del Rio is the coach, right? **wink wink**. Anyway, with both Peyton and Eli on bye weeks, word says that Archie Manning remembered he had another son, and took the whole family to Cooper’s presentation on energy stock exchange…or something, I don’t know!! They even tailgated in the building’s lobby, and played some touch football until security escorted them to the exits. The Mannings can be kind of weird when they don’t play football. 4.- Seattle Seahawks (Last Week: 4) 2013 Record: 8-1 (1st in NFC West) Week 9: W vs Tampa Bay, 24-27 (OT) Week 10: at Atlanta TJ: Ok, that’s it. The Seahawks have been acting kind of weird lately; first, the Rams almost pulled one from them, but it was on the road, so they maybe had an excuse…but then they fall behind the Buccaneers (THE BUCCANEERS!!!) at home 21-0?!?! I don’t care if they came back and won the game, this was not supposed to happen!! Not to my pick to win it all in the NFC!! For all we know, maybe they came back because the Bucs players realized they want their Coach fired ASAP and decided to roll over!! Still, I expect a total annihilation at Atlanta next week, guys!! Fez: You know the best part (as a niner fan, that is)? They got run out of the water by Zac Stacy and Mike James in back-to-back weeks. WHO? Of course, now you have the insufferable PEDhawks fans bulding up a conspiracy theory that teams are targeting their golden boy Russell Wilson. Cry my a freaking river. All offseason long we heard stories from Packers camp that they were going to smack CK7 on week 1, and how did we fans react? “Sure, you try itâ€. And here I thought the Saints fans from last season (woe us, Goodell and the world’s against us!! Waaah!!â€) were the worst… Side note: here’s the nominee for worst Halloween costume of the year: That’s twinky Sherman, disguised as a PEDguin. 5.- New England Patriots (Last Week: 8) 2013 Record: 7-2 (1st in AFC East) Week 9: W vs Pittsburgh, 31-55 Week 10: BYE Fez: In the pre-game activities, the team introduced the Baseball Championship Series (seriously, americans? World series?) winners, the Red Sox, effectively raising the overall level of douchebaggery at Gillette Stadium over 9000. But hey, if fate determined that a Boston team had to win its league championship to rally around the Marathon bombings, I’m glad it chose the baseball team. Oh well, the Patriots are cruising to another divisional title, but beating up the Steelers is hardly an endorsement of their chances to win it all. TJ: Sssshhh! Don’t piss them off, Fez!! If they think the champions of their professional leagues are champions of the world, let them be…there’s no harm (unless they start calling the MLS Champion “World Championâ€â€¦then I’ll laugh so hard I might piss my pants). Anyway, The Gronk is back and with him, Tom Brady’s mojo…even Danny Amendola or whatever scored his first TD as a Patriot. In week 9. When he was supposed to be the team’s primary receiver. Yeah, let’s just say I’m not mad about the Cowboys cutting him in training camp a few years ago anymore. 6.- New Orleans Saints (Last Week: 1) 2013 Record: 6-2 (1st in NFC South) Week 9: L at New York Jets, 20-26 Week 10: vs Dallas (SNF) TJ: Wow. Losing to the Jets. That must hurt, especially with the 6-place drop off. I wonder how Fez’s friend took it, considering I didn’t have access to my twitter account until the end of the first batch of games. Did she cry? Anyway, the best medicine to a pissed off juggernaut is (drum roll please…) FACING THE COWBOYS’ DREADFUL SECONDARY!! Boy, will it be fun to see Brees throw for 15 TDs and 1400 yards in one game. I cannot wait for it!! Let it be Sunday night already!! Fez: Since she loves to flood our TLs with hundreds of #GoSaints tweets on gamedays, I tweeted her a #GoJets message. She didn’t even respond, so I guess she took it pretty hard. Wonder what she’s thinking about our upcoming bet on week 11. Not so confident now, are you, sweetheart? Oh well, the Saints will be fine, they’re running away with their division (no, I don’t trust the Panthers, I’ve covered that last week) and may even get a first round bye. 7.- San Francisco 49ers (Last Week: 9) 2013 Record: 6-2 (2nd in NFC West) Week 9: BYE Week 10: vs Carolina TJ: Happy Birthday to Colin Kaepernick from both of us!! I surely hope he can keep his clothes on this time. Since the 49ers didn’t play, and I really don’t care about their birthdays and whatnot, let me update you on my car sale last week. So yeah, I finally sold my car last week. I got a little less money than I expected, but I don’t care, because it needed to be sold fast. While I get a new one myself, my dad is lending me his new car he bought a few months ago, but doesn’t even use because he doesn’t need a car anyway. It’s a manual transmission, and I hadn’t driven a manual transmission car in like 10 years. After struggling the first day, I finally got the hang of it, and it’s like it never even changed, but why do I keep thinking I hit the reset button in my life? I have no heavy debts anymore, only my house, but I’m still driving my dad’s car…just like 15 years ago. What the hell happened? Fez: You’re wishing Kap a happy birthday? Boy, you’re a closet Kap lover… wonderful!!! Now I know what to get you next Christmas or on your next birthday. Either a red #7 jersey or a framed set of his S.I. nudes. You’ll feel FABULOUS staring at them before you sleep every night. Anyway, I’m glad you’re moving forward, and got rid of that huge burden… no, not your debts, your automatic car. My pal will grow his balls again. I’m so proud! As for the niners, I resent the release of Nnamdi Asomugha; after all, this is the guy we kept over (now) Chiefs rookie CB Marcus Cooper, who’s drawing rave reviews from all around the league. I had a good feeling about Cooper and was kinda upset when he didn’t make the season opener 53-man roster. Of course he got nabbed. Oh well. Good luck, just not against us. 8.- Chicago Bears (Last Week: 11) 2013 Record: 5-3 (3rd in NFC North) Week 9: W at Green Bay, 27-20 (MNF) Week 10: vs Detroit TJ: Word from Chicago says Jay Cutler In His Contract Year will be ready to come back next week, right after Josh McCown had a very good game. Not great, just very good. I don't think it deserves a QB controversy in Chicago, but I still think it would be fun, considering the last controversy Cutler was involved in. With this win, we have a three-way tie atop of the NFC North, and with Aaron Rodgers hurt, anything, and I mean ANYTHING can happen. That's why the Packers will call Fav...Favr....Fav....that...that guy... Fez: I hate when this happens. I have a predetermined team winning the MNF so I can get most of the work done by the time the Monday game rolls on. Upon learning Smokin’ Jay Cutler would be inactive due to injury, I said to myself: “Great, it’s a Packers win, then... because there’s no way Aaron Rodgers loses to... to... wait, who’s the Bears backup? Obviously not Jason Campbell!!â€, and there he was, the immortal Josh McCown. And then Rodgers goes down, and suddenly the NFC North becomes a clusterheck at the top. By the way, thank you McCown for not throwing another TD to Brandon Marshall... I went 3-0 in FFL!!! I hadn’t done that in like... 4 weeks. The lesson, as always, I suck at FFL. 9.- Green Bay Packers (Last Week: 6) 2013 Record: 5-3 (1st in NFC North) Week 9: L vs Chicago, 27-20 (MNF) Week 10: vs Philadelphia TJ: So, as usual I was still at work when the monday night game started, so I started following via twitter and the ESPN app in my phone. Right when I learned Aaron Rodgers went down with a shoulder injury, I couldn't resist tweeting to Fez one of our favorite running gags: "WALLACE!! McCOWN!! IT'S MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL ON ESPN!!!" Of course, it's all fun and games until someone suggested that maybe the Packers should call Brett Fav...Brett Favr...my God, I still can't say his name!! Let's just say that if that happens, and that old man says yes, crap will hit the fan and we'll never, ever, ever, ever, EVER hear the end of it. Fez: Yeah, as if the MNF games need more reasons to become unwatchable, now they get stuck with dreaded QB faceiffs like the one this week. At least the SNFs can get flexed to get a better matchup. As for He Who Shalt Not Be Named: [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR8oke8rzp8"]Friday the 13th original theme - YouTube[/ame] ‘nuff said! By the way, this game is exhibit A on why Jim Harbaugh dumped Seneca Wallace in preseason, and Wallace had the guts to be upset?? Get the heck out of here. 10.- Detroit Lions (Last Week: 10) 2013 Record: 5-3 (2nd in NFC North) Week 9: BYE Week 10: at Chicago TJ: For my following fantasy football complain of the week, with Matt Stafford on a bye, and my backup QB injured (Jay Cutler in his Contract year), I had to dig deep in the waiver wire to find me a starter. I settled with (wait for it…wait for it…) Alex Smith. And yes, I’m sure I’ll hear Fez’s laughter all the way to his office when he reads that, but what choice did I have? Wait, don’t answer that. Long story short, I really missed Matt Stafford and his husband Megatron this week. Fez: The Mediocre Game Manager is actually a wise choice... wait, it was for a Grantland.com Bad Quarterback League or an actual FFL? If it’s the latter, you only need to find a league where checkdowns are worth as much as touchdowns, and where rolling out to the right to throw an incompletion also gives you big points. It wouldn’t hurt to add a complex scoring system where, the lesser the YPA pct, the better. 11.- Cincinnati Bengals (Last Week: 7) 2013 Record: 6-3 (1st in AFC North) Week 9: L at Miami, 20-22 (TNF) Week 10: at Baltimore Fez: Here’s an actual scenario from last Thursday. As I was about to leave home for the hospital to visit a close member of my family, I debated on whether starting Nick Foles (“because heck it, that’s whyâ€) or The Red Rifle (because he had 5 TDs the previous week, and Foles was coming off a concussion and a poor display). The choice was easy, right? I originally had Foles, because he’s my boy and I BELIEVE IN NICK FOLES!!! But then I wondered whether Foles was alright, and Dalton was the hot hand. “Screw it, Go Dalton!â€. I immediately notified TJ about the move, stating: “now watch Nick Foles throw for 300 yards and 3 scoresâ€. I actually came up way short of Foles’ numbers, while Dalton failed to score even once. Don’t forget fantasy football is a cruel form of entertainment. TJ: Ahh, there it is. Welcome to the “I really really really REALLY hate fantasy football†club, buddy!! We missed you, please don’t leave us again. Those are the kind of decisions that can ruin entire lives!! Like picking a college major, or something. Anyway, due to our country changing back from daylight savings a week earlier, I was unable to watch the Thursday night game, and I missed the Bengals losing on a walk-off safety. I won’t complain about fantasy football because Fez already did it, and I stuck with Giovani Bernard in my line-up, and man did he kill it!! It didn’t matter, because as usual, I outscored the whole league except the guy I played against, but still!! I looooove Fantasy Football!! (Ok, I don’t, but you get the point). 12.- Dallas Cowboys (Last Week: 13) 2013 Record: 5-4 (1st in NFC East) Week 9: W vs Minnesota, 23-27 Week 10: at New Orleans (SNF) TJ: An ugly win is still a win, right? I mean, sure, Ramiro Romo looked clutch for the first time in a long, long time…but it was against the one-win Vikings, for Pete’s sake!! Would anyone relax?!?! Ohh…you’re relaxed…all right, then!! In this week’s “Gridironfans.com thread of the week†section, I present to you a very interesting question: “If The Cowboys win the division with 8-8 (which they will), and lose their first playoff game (which they will, too), should Jason Garrett be fired?†That’s a very good question. Should he be fired? Yes. Will he be fired? No way in hell. See, Jerry Jones finally got his wish: a half-decent head coach who will keep his mouth shut, won’t make many headlines by giving stupid quotes, and leave all the spotlight to Jerry so he can bask on it. It’s the perfect match. Why do you think Jerry keeps giving injury reports, and saying who starts and who doesn’t? Fellow Cowboys fans, read this article and cringe…or get your brain washed, whatever. There’s a 5-year plan in place, and we’re only in year 3. Garrett is going nowhere, no matter what happens. So let’s just sit tight and enjoy the ride…that’s the best we can do. Fez: Oh, … hi, you’re done? Geez, yeah, I agree with you… whatever you said, buddy. Instead of going in-depth with your rant about Garrett, I will moan and groan about the Cowboys getting away with an unsportsmanlike non-call. Here… Truth to be told, I’m somewhat surprised Jerome Boger was not involved. 13.- New York Jets (Last Week: 18) 2013 Record: 5-4 (2nd in AFC East) Week 9: W vs New Orleans, 20-26 Week 10: BYE Fez: Hah hah! My god, when will this circus fini… wait, what?!?! Yup, the Jets beat New Orleans, our #1 team from last week. How did this happen?! No, really… I mean, look up what Geno Smith has done this year. 16 turnovers, only 8 TDs… And his team has taken down the Pats AND the Saints, only two teams that were constantly ranked in the top-5 this year. Hell, if they only didn’t lose so badly to the Titans and the Bengals, at this point I’d rank the Jets above of the Chiefs, by virtue of strength of schedule, don’t even get me started. TJ: Every year we have that bi-polar team that beats good teams, and loses to bad teams. The Cowboys used to be that team a few years ago (that year when we beat the undefeated Colts only to lose to the 1st-overall pick bound Rams a few weeks later). The Jets are that team this year, which is weird, because I would’ve expected that last year, when they had The Tebow who had made a name for himself by pulling impossible wins out of his butt. Too bad they let him rot in the bench, killing his NFL Career. Fez: And wait, it gets better, take a look at this! Bills, Ravens, Dolphins (2x), Raiders, Panthers, Browns… that’s the rest of their schedule. That has 6-1 written all over it, or am I crazy? TJ: More like 2-5…they’re bipolar. 14.- Miami Dolphins (Last Week: 15) 2013 Record: 4-4 (3rd in AFC East) Week 9: W vs Cincinnati, 20-22 (TNF) Week 10: at Tampa Bay (MNF) Fez: Keeping up with the Dolphins fans in our WhatsApp group, now we’ve been hearing how Miami is poised to grab a wildcard in the AFC and make a serious run at the Superbowl. Just kidding, they didn’t say that, but I bet at least one of them thought so! By the way, that was a weird finish for a primetime game. A walk-off safety? What the hell? I guess it’s an acceptable way to finish the game, if your opponent is dumb enough to drop back into its own endzone. I don’t think Miami’s making the playoffs, but relax, Fin fans, I predicted the Ravens would be one-and-done last season, so there’s hope for you! Just stop being bullies, you jerks. TJ: Dolphins fans are the best!! They could defeat the Patriots 55-0, and they would still find something to whine about. “Look at that victory formation…how can Tannehill just kneel like that? Go for the kill!!! AAAAAGGGHHHH!!! WE SUCK!!!â€. Yeah, something like that. I still think the Dolphins can make a run at a wild card, I mean, look at that…they face Tampa next week!! Pencil them for 5-4, and let their fans complain about how they should’ve scored more than 30 on them. Fez: Late addendum: if Joe Philbin doesn’t get sacked after the Riche Incognito fiasco, then Stephen Ross and Jeff Ireland are more idiotic than I thought. Please take a look at Philbin’s quotes, coming after it was revealed that Incognito left threatening text and voice messages to Jonathan Martin: “IF NFL FINDS WORKPLACE NOT SAFE, I’LL FIX ITâ€. WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! 15.- Carolina Panthers (Last Week: 17) 2013 Record: 5-3 (2nd in NFC South) Week 9: W vs Atlanta, 10-34 Week 10: at San Francisco TJ: Don’t look now, but the Panthers are only one game behind the Saints in the NFC South race (yeah, the same race I said it was already finished a couple of weeks ago), now let’s see if they are for real when they travel to San Francisco next week. It should be a fun game, with both Newton and Kaepernick making awesome things, and considering the niners didn’t play this week, and Fez hasn’t…uhm…relieved himself…man, he’ll make a mess… Fez: Look, the Panthers are the second most overrated team this year (you know who’s the #1 team, don’t make me say it again). So I’ll make a deal with you. If Carolina pulls an upset at San Francisco, I will jump Carolina to the top 6 and drop my niners out of the top 10. Do we have a deal, TJ? I’m that confident. TJ: You got a deal!! 16.- Tennessee Titans (Last Week: 19) 2013 Record: 4-4 (2nd in AFC South) Week 9: W at St. Louis, 28-21 Week 10: vs Jacksonville Fez: This game mirrored one of my fantasy teams. With the Titans’ season on the line, Tennessee rallied behind Jake Locker, the defense and… oh my god, that’s Chris Johnson?!?!?! Anyway, you may probably know this already, but Chris Johnson, former 2,000-yard runner, scored his first two touchdowns of the season, on the team’s 8th game. Hey, better late than never! Those, plus his 150 yards for the game helped my team stay in the hunt, having struggled with a 4-4 record thus far in TJ’s league. Not only that, I defeated the then-leader and highest scorer. Suck it! Oh, don’t look now, but do you have any idea where the Titans stand on the playoffs picture? I’ll save you the research. They’re currently the 7th seeded, half a game behind The Foot Lickers of New York. TJ: Yeah, I had both Gio Bernard and Chris Johnson in my other fantasy team this week and still lost. And you wonder why I hate fantasy football so much. It’s just not fair. It doesn’t matter if I get lucky, I still suck at it. Yeah, just like Ramiro Romo. Once they defeat the Jaguars next week, they’ll be 5-4 and back in the hunt for a wild card spot. Unless the Texans rally behind Casimiro Romo (will explain later), then they’re lost. 17.- Arizona Cardinals (Last Week: 16) 2013 Record: 4-4 (3rd in NFC West) Week 9: BYE Week 10: vs Houston TJ: On this week’s RUN, CARSON, RUN!! follow up, the Bye week hurried Palmer 13 times, and sacked him 4 times. Still making progress out there, baby steps!! The trade deadline came and went, and Larry Fitzgerald is still in his middle of the desert jail, so we’ll have to wait until next spring to see if he’s pardoned by President Obama or something. Fez: Yeah, it’s not fair. I mean, come on Cards fans, what’s the point in keeping him? Just grab a first and another pick and get it over with. I’ve got to say, though, I was wrong. At the beginning of the season I mocked an NFL.com writer for suggesting St. Louis and Arizona could win the NFC East division if they played there. Yeah, the Cards would run away with the NFC East this year. The Rams wouldn’t though. Oh, and that sound? That’s J.J. Watt licking his chops over the prospect of plowing through the turnstiles and make Carson Palmer weep. RUN CARSON, RUN!!! 18.- San Diego Chargers (Last Week: 12) 2013 Record: 4-4 (3rd in AFC West) Week 9: L at Washington, 24-30 (OT) Week 10: vs Denver Fez: The good news? Keenan Allen is making people forget about Danario Alexander and Malcom Floyd. The bad news? Norv Turner jokes are not ceasing anytime soon. Surely, Turner made a living out of playing conservatively, but why in the world are the Chargers throwing the ball so much? 47 passing plays and 16 runs? Really? Oh well, at least San Diego’s still in the hunt for that 6th spot. TJ: Hey!! What about the Manti Te’o jokes? You gave up on them after week 2 or something, come on…give us something!! It sucks for them that they couldn’t take advantage of the Redskins atrocious pass defense, when they have “the best QB in the NFL†(I don’t know who said that, but I found it hilarious). Fez, of course they called 47 passes and only 16 runs. Who the hell will run it for them? Ryan Mathews sucks, and Danny Woodhead is better catching passes out of the backfield. I’m sure they wish they had LdT back. And Marty Ball. Serves them right. 19.- Cleveland Browns (Last Week: 21) 2013 Record: 4-5 (2nd in AFC North) Week 9: W vs Baltimore, 18-24 Week 10: BYE Fez: I think we all have it very clear: the Browns don’t have their franchise QB currently in their roster. Brian Hoyer was a nice story, but let’s not forget he got a torn ACL and he may never be the same again. And now, in their quest to land a QB in next year’s draft, Jason Campbell (JASON CAMPBELL! THE GUY HAD A FORK STICKING OUT OF HIS BACK LAST YEAR AT CHICAGO!) is winning games for them. What purpose does it serve? I don’t know, I doubt they reach the playoffs, so winning games is pointless for them. The lesson, as always, the City of Cleveland can’t catch a freaking break! TJ: Beating the Ravens for the first time in like 392 tries is nice and all, but it doesn’t help their cause. Either the Browns changed their minds about tanking this season, or they just suck at it. Or maybe they’ll trade a middle-1st round pick and a late-1st round pick (the one got in the Richardson trade) for an early 1st round pick. Or maybe they’ll pull a Bellichick and trade both picks for lots of middle round picks…which would be very stupid, even for Browns standards. Either way, good luck for them. They’re gonna need it. 20.- Philadelphia Eagles (Last Week: 26) 2013 Record: 4-5 (2nd in NFC East) Week 9: W at Oakland, 49-20 Week 10: at Green Bay TJ: Hey!! The Burp Offense is alive!! Or so it seems, I don’t know, I mean, it was the Raiders after all. I don’t know who I feel worse for…Peyton Manning who now has to share his record with the immortal Nick Foles, or Mike Vick, who might not re-claim his starting spot. You know, that old saying “you don’t lose your job to injuryâ€, as Jim Harbaugh taught us last year, doesn’t mean anything anymore. Wait a minute, here comes Fez with a huge megaphone…COVER YOUR EARS!!! Fez: I BELIEVE IN NICK FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Of course, that came after the aforementioned benching of his in my dynasty league. I’m never doing that to you again, baby. I’ll start you every game until Chip Kelly stabs you in the back again. Oh, stop making me blush, baby. 21.- Washington Redskins (Last Week: 23) 2013 Record: 3-5 (3rd in NFC East) Week 9: W vs San Diego, 24-30 (OT) Week 10: at Minnesota (TNF) TJ: They just won’t go away, will they? I’m going to be afraid for my hair until late December, right? As much as I hate the Redskins (and to think that sounds politically wrong now), I mean, the football team, I have to give them kudos for not giving up…and why would they when this division is so bad? Oh, well…Screw the Redskins. Think whatever you want, I don’t care. Fez: I have to wonder what’s up with some media companies (newspapers, broadacasting) banning the name “Redskins†altogether. Why are you starting now? The name’s been around forever, so what hidden interests are behind the switch of the name? I hope Dan Snyder tells them all to heck off. And if he does change it, call the team The Washington Wetback Black qu**rs. Enough with the PC bullcrap. 22.- Baltimore Ravens (Last Week: 14) 2013 Record: 3-5 (3rd in AFC North) Week 9: L at Cleveland, 18-24 Week 10: vs Cincinnati Fez: You know what, the Ravens remind me of my career the past two years. After winning the SB (in my case, winning a nation-wide contest for a promotion at the government institute I work for), the Ravens reloaded a bit and tried to run it back, only they failed miserably after finding out Ray Rice is injured and Joe Flacco stole money legally (in my case, I tried to keep my mind fresh while dealing with new responsibilities and college, only to get the equivalent of a 1.0 GPA in my final quarter of my college courses because I had too much in my plate). I swear this made sense when I thought of it. Side note: what’s up with Ray Rice? I know he’s hurt, but man, he looks 33 years old out there. He’s only 26!! TJ: Bad comparison. You have never been “eliteâ€. Neither has Flacco, but you get the idea. Flacco reminds me of the software analyst who got lucky when solving a problem that saved the company lots of money, only to get promoted to manager and fall short of everybody’s expectations. That’s Joe Flacco for you: a half-decent QB who got lucky, won a Super Bowl, and when everybody expected him to do it again, on a bigger stage, he fell short. At 3-5 the Ravens are the most disrespected Champion in the Super Bowl era, and rightfully so. Fez: I have the results sheet of that contest to prove I’m elite, snitch! 23.- Buffalo Bills (Last Week: 20) 2013 Record: 3-6 (4th in AFC East) Week 9: L vs Kansas City, 13-23 Week 10: at Pittsburgh Fez: Just last week, I stated that one of the few rules I live by in my life: Let’s put an addendum to that rule. If I’m facing the only undefeated team left this season, and I’m going neck and neck with them, and I managed to reach the opponent’s 1-yard line, Jeff Tuel is my QB and my running game in the redzone is getting more stuffed than Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton combined, there is no way I’m throwing a short slant because, you know, Jeff Tuel is my QB, and a short slant poorly thrown by an undrafted QB who won 4 games in his whole college career may end up in a 100-yard pick six. That needed to be clarified. TJ: The good news is that EJ Manuel was cleared to practice this week and might play against the Steelers!! The bad news? It might be too late. The funny news? Matt Flynn got released on Monday. Has anyone made that much money because of a one-night stand? Is Flynn the equivalent of an NFL Prostitute? Or is he just a thief like Joe Flacco? Fez: And with Aaron Rodgers’ injury, he can go back home to pocket even more money!!! 24.- New York Giants (Last Week: 24) 2013 Record: 2-6 (4th in NFC East) Week 9: BYE Week 10: vs Oakland TJ: You know, with the Super Bowl being in New York, I mean, New Jersey, I started thinking (no, seriously…don’t laugh): Since Eli Manning won his second Super Bowl ring in Peyton’s home field, it would be fitting for Peyton to win his second ring in Eli’s home field. Eli defeated Peyton’s nemesis (Brady) to do it, so Peyton should beat Eli’s nemesis. Who’s Eli’s nemesis? Well, the only other QB in the NFC East who has been around as long as him is (wait for it…wait for it…) RAMIRO ROMO!! So, in order to restore balance to the Force, Peyton Manning must defeat Ramiro Romo in the Super Bowl played in New York City. http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/153686/the-case-for-war And yes, I can assure you…I’m not high. Fez: Man, you’re tripping. I blame it on your manhood slowly growing back into your body. I mean, after all you spent a long time driving automatic. San Francisco will be the NFC team playing in the Superbowl, you need to get over it. 25.- Houston Texans (Last Week: 28) 2013 Record: 2-6 (3rd in AFC South) Week 9: L vs Indianapolis, 27-24 (SNF) Week 10: at Arizona Fez: Houston, we have a pulse!!! For some odd reason, the Texans were brought back to life by a local-hero QB. Isn’t that the blueprint of a blockbuster Hollywood film? You have the star of the movie going through the draft without getting selected, then getting a call from his hometown team, he gets cheered on in training camp, makes the team as the 3rd QB, and is inserted in an emergency, only to shine and bring his team back to the playoffs. The lesson, as always, NFL teams: if a widely known QB prospect from your home city is in the draft, TAKE HIM!!! Why do you think I can’t get over the fact that San Francisco didn’t take Berkeley product Aaron Rodgers? Wait, why am I still bitter about it? TJ: FREAK YOU, FEZ!! FREAK YOU AND YOUR MAN CRUSH!! WHY DO WE ALL HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH IT? Anyway…sorry about that, it had to be done. Is it just me or is that Keenum kid reminds me of some obscure undrafted QB who spent a few years in the bench until he finally got his chance and he was lights out? You guessed right!! He’s Ramiro Romo 2.0…or Casemiro Kenmo, or just Casemiro (LMAO…Casemiro…it’s a funny Spanish name…I swear it would be funny if you were Mexican). Anyway, can’t wait for Casemiro to rally the Texans to the playoffs (or close to them) only to crap the bed in the worst possible time. By the way, here’s hoping Coach Kubiak is ok. 26.- St. Louis Rams (Last Week: 29) 2013 Record: 3-6 (4th in NFC West) Week 9: L vs Tennessee, 28-21 Week 10: vs Indianapolis TJ: Well, maybe Kellen Clemens is not THAT bad…in fact, I fail to see the difference between him and Checo Bradford, except that Bradford has two more zeroes in his paycheck. This situation should help the Rams put things in perspective. With Bradford consuming all that cap room, and giving you the same production of a guy who probably is making the league minimum, maybe it’s time to cut your losses and let Checo go. He’s not a franchise QB, and he might never be. And yes, the same was said about Alex Smith until he became one, but still…if Alex Smith was in this team the result would be the same. You need a way different team in order to be successful with a game manager at QB. Fez: And here I Picture Sam Bradford saying: “TJ said what about Alex Smith... let me check that again†This is where Rams fans remember that they were in a position to draft RGIII, you know, the healthy version, before he became RGKnee and began walking with a limp that would make men in their 50’s look young. Recently, The Washington Post revisited the trade that sent Griffin to the indigenou... header pic: @peytonshead twitter account[/I]
Yes, we lost to the mighty Jets. The same team who beat New England. Rex knew how to attack his brother's defense. But that is loss number two. We still hold our destiny in our hands. Home field is still in our grasp.
Yeah, you will get that division. Still, I made up that rule a couple of weeks ago. Lose to the Jets, out of the top 5, no questions asked. :icon_cheesygrin:
