TJ: You know how this thing has started lately…Fez and I share a little something about what we did over the weekend, besides watching football and all that, and you probably skip it and head straight ahead for the rankings and the teams. Well, good for you. Since nobody reads this anyway, I’ll tell you that I was forced to take the Mrs. to watch the –hopefully- last Twilight film. Ever since we were dating, I was successful at avoiding that apparently new boyfriend/husband obligation, since she went with her girlfriends and even my sister for the last movies; but this time, I had no escape. At least it didn’t go unappreciated, if you know what I mean. Now I’ll give the floor to Fez, for his latest update on how he stalks his ex-gf. Fez: This week’s rankings were tough for me. It didn’t help that I spent the complete timeframe of the Sunday morning games visiting… uh… a friend. Yeah, okay, it was my ex-girlfriend. Bite me. Kind of hard to build a decent list without even watching the majority of the games and/or highlights, right? Still, thank Jeebus for the Internet, Twitter, NFL.com’s highlights videos, Sportscenter, drunk-texting (just to see if you’re still paying attention), and having the possibility of redacting these Power Rankings on my bed, using a half-decent laptop (for Mexico’s standards anyway). TJ: It was the first time in years that the Cowboys game was nowhere to be seen on TV, so I had to get creative. But then, just as they went to overtime, some crappy network channel called TV Azteca showed the game…just to cut the broadcast short to show a very crappy movie I can’t even remember. Viva Mexico indeed. Anyway, that was it. I promise you no more personal stories this week. Fez knows that if I hear from his damn ex again, I’ll just kick him in the balls. Fez: So, uhm, yeah, get ready to read our most controversial rankings, yet. Too many changes at the top AND at the bottom. A huge slide or two, or three, or… Screw it, the league’s parity is at full force. You could talk us into completely changing the top 8 and the bottom 8, the same way we could make a case for our own order. It’s a mess. You’re going to see a fraudulent team with only 1 loss at #5; you’re going to see a 2-win team above a 4-win team. Personally, I hope the league stops laying ostrich eggs so we can give this list some kind of stable order. Wait, 3 Thanksgiving Day games looming; scratch that. Next weekend’s just going to suck. 1.- Houston Texans (Last week: 1) Record: 9-1 (1st in AFC South) Week 11: Won vs Jacksonville, 37-43 (OT). Week 12: at Detroit (Thanksgiving Day) TJ: I’m giving them a mulligan because they play in thanksgiving, on the road, and in the early game, which gives them…what? One day to prepare? Of course they took the Jaguars lightly, who wouldn’t? At least the offense stepped up when the defense is struggling, they escaped with the W and that’s that. Fez: Look, the Texans win the top spot by default. If I had it my way, and if I was a homer, I’d put the All-World San Francisco 49ers here, but let’s give the Texans a chance to actually lose this spot. But make no mistake, Houston: TJ and I are following you very closely. Another stinker and you’ll get a huge slide, Chicago-style. Beware. 2.- Baltimore Ravens (Last week: 4) Record: 8-2 (1st in AFC North) Week 11: Won at Pittsburgh, 13-10 Week 12: at San Diego TJ: I think they’re a little bit too high, but I wasn’t ready to give the Broncos the second spot yet. Neither the niners, and much less the Falcons…so, we’re putting them here pretty much by default. Fez: I agree, actually. Though I have to admit the order in which the teams are ranked is mine (I let TJ have input on any team, if so he wishes, and I accept virtually any change he proposes, save for moving the cowboys up; that’s my weekly veto). How do you allow a long rushing TD by Byron Leftwich? Wouldn’t that be like allowing a passing TD from Mark Sanchez? (Hi, Rams, how are things looking up from the cellar?). The Steelers once again wore the Bumblebee throwbacks; why can’t we have the Ravens wear the Ravens throwbacks, which are pretty much Browns uniforms, just for kicks? That’d be the first time we watch a decent Browns team in years. Does that make too much sense? Is it nonsense? Just saying: we both could show a presentation to Goodell exposing this awesome idea, before getting kicked out of the room and fined five grand by that greedy motherhecker. More on this a few spots below. 3.- Denver Broncos (Last week: 5) Record: 7-3 (1st in AFC West) Week 11: Won vs San Diego, 23-30 Week 12: at Kansas City TJ: Peyton Manning. MVP. Again. So much for the preseason constant coverage and questioning about how he’d return with his cyborg Neck, I mean, neck reconstruction, I mean, surgery… the man has not lost a single step!! Even the “noodle arm†he showed in the beginning of the season is no more. And at the same time, their defense is playing lights out lately. A couple of weeks ago we were wondering about the AFC, and how it only seemed to have one elite team. Well, the Broncos have stepped up, and it will be a very fun postseason with them. Fez: Meanwhile, John Elway glanced over this week’s Tebow Highlights on NFL.com, took a sip of red wine, lighted up a Cuban cigar, and laughed his butt off. Seriously, if you haven’t checked out, NFL.com repeated the Tebow Highlights stuff, all 5 negative yardage plays. I swear to god, I’ve never seen so much infatuation for mediocrity, save for the Cowboys games being shown in Mexican TV every god **mn week, year after year. 4.- San Francisco 49ers (Last week: 7) Record: 7-2-1 (1st in NFC West) Week 11: Won vs Chicago, 7-32 Week 12: at New Orleans Fez: COLIN… MOTHERFREAKING… KAEPERNICK!!! Yup, that was my tweet right after he threw his first career TD. Look, I’ve never been an Alex Smith fan, right from the moment he was drafted 1st overall in 2005: I felt… uneasy. I have a knack for predicting how a first rounder will pan out for the 49ers. I got excited when San Francisco drafted Patrick Willis, Joe Staley, Vernon Davis, Manny Lawson (he was good, and he’s found home in a 4-3 SLB role, he just wasn’t a fit for the 3-4 defense), Michael Crabtree, Mike Iupati and Aldon Smith. I felt uneasy with Kentwan Balmer and Alex Smith. Not a good omen for this year’s 1st round pick WR A.J. Jenkins. Why is this relevant? Because I’m so freaking excited Smith will be shown the door next year, so we the Niner Faithful can finally be at peace among ourselves. I mean, 24 hours after Kaepernick completed his MNF masterpiece against Chicago, a thread titled “QB Controversy†on the 49ers’ official message board had OVER TWENTY TWO HUNDRED POSTS!!! Screw, Tuesday morning I posted a few replies supporting Kaepernick and calling the “controversy†a nonsense, because in his second year and first start showed things Alex never could, and what did I get? A dumbass Smith fan making a racist remark to me. Are you kidding me? Alex Smith, please go away. Your time is up. Should’ve seen the writing on the wall when you took the team to the NFCCG and the following offseason you were about to get dumped for an aging QB with four neck surgeries. TJ: Wow…I had no idea my mind could just fly away like that, and with no drugs. I have no idea of what Fez just said, I don’t care, and you shouldn’t care either. At this point, they could take a hooker from the street, put her at QB and they’d still win games, so what’s the point of having a “QB Controversyâ€? Just line-up the guy/hooker who can count to 10 and get it over with. The 49ers are that good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go electrocute my nipples. 5.- Atlanta Falcons (Last week: 3) Record: 9-1 (1st in NFC South) Week 11: Won 19-23 vs Arizona (REALLY?????) Week 12: at Tampa Bay Fez: What, a 1-loss team all the way down to #5? After a win? You’re damn right, we just went there. And it was MY idea. Why? Just look at the 4 teams above. Three of them have strong running games, and the other one is run by Peyton Manning. Enough said. I mean, let’s put it in bold: LaRod Cromartie-Stephens-Green-Ellis-Howling ran for 122 yards on them. LaRod Stephens Howling!!! How is that possible? You know he’s listed at 5-7, 185 lb. and runs behind one of the worst offensive lines ever assembled, whose best player is a Guard previously let go by the 49ers; you know all that, right? Just in case, I’ll start searching gambling websites so I can put on money against the Falcons in that Divisional Game to be played at Georgia Dome. One of the biggest locks of the 2012 playoffs. TJ: I’m sorry, but I have to agree. The Falcons are not for real. And I’m thankful they have no fans that will never let us hear the end of it. This makes me think the Giants might be doing JUST ENOUGH to clinch the NFC 4th seed, which is the worst division champion, get the win against a wild card, with a trip to Atlanta for the divisional. If Coughlin was an evil genius like, say, Belichick, this would be the plan from the beginning. 6.- Green Bay Packers (Last week: 6) Record: 7-3 (1st in NFC North) Week 11: Won at Detroit, 24-20. Week 12: at New York Giants (SNF) Fez: So I was struggling to find something to say about the Packers, and then TJ came up with this pic: http://d24w6bsrhbeh9d.cloudfront.net/photo/5872517_700b.jpg It’s kind of funny; I have an idea for his next pic. Pose with the 49ers jersey he backed out of wearing after losing his bet. Yeah, I won’t get over it. Check it out. Aaron Rodgers backs out of Boyz II Men jersey bet | Shutdown Corner - Yahoo! Sports Pay your debt, Rodgers, and please grow the heck up. TJ: From the creators of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, we bring you Aaron Rodgers: Photobomb Master. I had no idea Jermichael Finley was still alive. I think I dropped him in fantasy, what? 6 weeks ago? Of course I did, you already know that I hate fantasy football…and I’ll make my best effort not to mention it again. 7.- New England Patriots (Last week: 8) Record: 7-3 (1st in AFC East) Week 11: Won vs Indianapolis, 24-59. Week 12: at New York Jets (Thanksgiving Day) TJ: So much for my upset special from last week. I don’t know if they thought they were playing the old Colts, but they just didn’t hold anything back, did they? Of course, it had its cost, and now it’s reported that Rob Gronkowski broke his arm and might lose some time. Is karma finally catching up with the Pats? Fez: I find it funny how every sportswriter out there came out to kiss Belicheat’s rear. “Oh, it wasn’t his fault, Gronk always lines up in PAT attempts, leave him alone! LEAVE BILL ALONE!!â€. I guarantee any embattled coach would get laughed at for losing his star pass-catcher in such a dumb way. I’m gonna give them one thing and just one: if Gronk does line up in every PAT attempt, so be it. You don’t want to mess with that stuff. But the Patriots had no business scoring so late. For god’s sake, the game was out of reach after the first play in the fourth quarter (17-45). Football gods hate un-sportsmanship, Bill. 8.- Chicago Bears (Last week: 2) Record: 7-3 (2nd in NFC North) Week 11: Lost at San Francisco, 7-32 Week 12: vs Minnesota Fez: Jay Cutler may be an butthole; his personality, his lack of charisma may be huge turnoffs for Chicagoans, but man, I’m sure every Bears fan out there would put up with that after watching the almighty Jason Campbell getting harassed by the Smith Brothers on National TV. I know what I’m talking about, I have to put up with TJ because we coexist to bring you readers these Power Rankings. What am I gonna do without him, say something and then reply to myself? I do enough of that in real life. Yes, I think out loud more often than you think. Why? Because I freaking like myself, I’m awesome. Your turn, TJ. TJ: And that’s why we miss Jason Campbell so much in the NFC East!! You know, I actually like Jay Cutler (cut to the audience: **GASP!!!!!**), because I think we’re very alike. No, I’m not a freaking jerk, but I think he’s just misunderstood. How many of you guys go to work every day while thinking “I can’t believe I’m stuck with these idiots for 8 hours againâ€. I mean, I can’t be the only one, can I? Who’s with me? Who’s with me? Anybody? Hello? 9.- Pittsburgh Steelers (Last week: 9) Record: 6-4 (2nd in AFC North) Week 11: Lost vs Baltimore, 13-10 Week 12: at Cleveland TJ: You know, I kind of remember some peewee team back when I played with uniforms like that. Anyway, as expected they really missed Roethlisberger even with Leftwich’s weird throwing motion. And now that they’ll be down to their 3rd string QB, it should get interesting in Pittsburgh. They play their snitches…I mean, the Browns, so let’s see how it goes. Fez: Plaxico is back!!! It’s Chaz Batch time!!! They should bring back Kordell Stewart while they’re at it. TJ: Kordell Stewart’s face scar/mark/thingy scared me when I was a kid. I thought he was a freaking alien or something. Can we just move on? 10.- Seattle Seahawks (Last week: 11) Record: 6-4 (2nd in NFC West) Week 11: Bye. Week 12: at Miami Fez: Further proof that this week was crazy: The Seahawks actually climbed one spot without playing. How nice of us. In related news, there was a story about Richard Sherman and Green Bay’s Tramon Williams having a catfight over who gets to call himself “Optimus Primeâ€. Who knew Cornerbacks could be so petty. Sherman, get over it. You’re not Deion Sanders. You’re not even Champ Bailey. The Seahawks defensive backfield gets away with so much contact it’s laughable; then again, we should be used to see a lot of cheating from a team coached by Stinky Pete Carroll. Moving on. TJ: I’m so glad this was the last week with byes. It’s always hard to come up with something about a team that didn’t even play. I BELIEVE IN RUSSELL WILSON!!!! And…so…uh…yeah, next, please. 11.- Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Last week: 13) Record: 6-4 (2nd in NFC South) Week 11: Won at Carolina, 27-21 (OT). Week 12: vs Atlanta Fez: I kind of missed ESPN’s lame attempt at riding the story about Doug Martin hating his “Muscle Hamster†nickname. Apparently, some guy made a shout out to Twitter followers so they’d give some ideas, made a poll and all, and they came up with these beauties: “Dougernautâ€, “The Cannon Ballâ€, “Tug Martinâ€, “Little Bulldozerâ€. Number 1, all those are lame. Number 2, “Dougernaut†won by a landslide; I wouldn’t care if I didn’t know San Francisco’s Brandon Jacobs once was nicknamed “Jacobnautâ€. Wait, I don’t give two hecks either way. ESPN.com’s so lame these days, the only reason I ever go there is to read Gregg Easterbrooks’ column, and even he turns me off sometimes with topics that don’t interest me. TJ: What? You don’t care about the US government’s corruption and overspending? Yeah, you’re right. We have enough with those stories about our own government. I still enjoy TMQ, but always skip the political crap. Anyway, for my week 11 upset special, I have the Bucs shocking the world and beating the Falcons at home. Remember my motto: all predictions right or you get a full refund on this post. Fez: â€Shocking†the Falcons? Didn’t we just cover Atlanta getting run over by a 185 lb. runningback? Doug Martin may break Fantasy Football’s all-time single week scoring record when it’s all said and done. In case you missed it, I’ll say it again: the Falcons are frauds. 12.- Indianapolis Colts (Last week: 10) Record: 6-4 (2nd in AFC South) Week 11: Lost at New England, 24-59. Week 12: vs Buffalo TJ: THUD! That was the Colts crashing back to Earth. They should give a good fight for one of the wild card spots, but that’s it. The future is very interesting for this young team, and Andrew Luck has been as good as advertised, which is really weird because almost nobody lives up to the hype since I started watching football. Fez: When I saw Andrew Luck getting consoled by coach Arians, it kind of touched me; he obviously was disheartened by such a lousy performance he displayed. He’ll bounce back, the man’s good. But for god’s sake, Andrew, will you please pass the rock to Donnie Avery? You’re killing me. 13.- New York Giants (Last week: 12) Record: 6-4 (1st in NFC East) Week 11: Bye. Week 12: vs Green Bay (SNF) Fez: Next two weeks will be big for the Giants. Facing Green Bay and then Washington, with Dallas making a push for the divisional lead. A bit off-topic. Could you believe in my dynasty fantasy league I had a tough dilemma between selecting Doug Martin or David Wilson with the 4th overall pick in a Rookies/Fas draft? I selected Martin, of course, but that will come back to bite me in the butt. After all, Wilson’s going to the Hall Of Fame, or so he said a few weeks ago. I keep making these dumb mistakes. TJ: The Giants would lose the NFC East lead without even playing if the Cowboys beat the Redskins on Thanksgiving. So that can only mean that the Giants are a few days away from turning it on again. That, or the master plan I described in the Falcons section is true, and they are trying to make just enough to get to the play-offs, knowing perfectly that the Eagles suck, the Redskins are a couple of years away, and the Cowboys’ December collapse is inevitable. Those old, experienced Giants…I hate them. 14.- Cincinnati Bengals (Last week: 15) Record: 5-5 (3rd in AFC North) Week 11: Won at Kansas City, 28-6. Week 12: vs Oakland TJ: Yet another example of a team at least one year away from fully competing, but could get a wild card berth if they get lucky. And I still think they need a better Head Coach. Sure, Marvin Lewis has not made headlines this year with bonehead decisions, but you just know he’s about to crap the bed with one of them, right? Or maybe he’s waiting for the stretch run…who knows. Anyway, I’m looking forward for the next great rivalry of the next decade: Colts vs. Bengals. Fez: The offense is obviously headed in the right direction. Give them a stud runningback without a dumb nickname (or in other words, the complete opposite of what Benjarvus Green-Ellis brings to the table) and they’ll be scary good. The defense is another story: too many “big†names that don’t quite contribute the way you expect. Nate Clements? Reggie Nelson? Terence Newman? Adam Jones? They need a few more pieces there. I’m pulling for them, though: better them than the Steelers. 15.- New Orleans Saints (Last week: 19) Record: 5-5 (3rd in NFC South) Week 11: Won at Oakland, 38-17. Week 12: vs San Francisco Fez: Bountygate! You Bountygate! probably Bountygate! know Bountygate! what Bountygate! this Bountygate! game Bountygate! will Bountygate! be Bountygate! all Bountygate! about Bountygate! in Bountygate! the Bountygate! media, Bountygate! right? Bountygate! Bountygate! TJ: I apologize, we’re having some technical issues, and our Fez is broken. I’ll try snitch-slapping him, and if it doesn’t work, we can always replace him. So yeah, the Saints are back at .500 and suddenly we have a race for the NFC Wild Cards!! We have the Packers, Vikings, Bucs, Saints, Seahawks, whoever losses the East between the Cowboys and Giants…and maybe the Redskins!! Good Times!! Fez: Bountygate! 16.- Minnesota Vikings (Last week: 14) Record: 6-4 (3rd in NFC North) Week 11: Bye. Week 12: at Chicago Fez: Big week coming up for their playoffs hopes. But would you trust Christian Ponder in a playoff game? He is so up and down. If they were remotely relevant, somebody would’ve come up with a Romocoaster kind of nickname for him. They probably need to pull another “Love Boat†fiasco to find that relevance. TJ: Or the Whizzinator. Never forget about the Whizzinator!! Or certain QB that you have vowed to never mention again sending pictures of his p**is that somehow end up in the Internet. You know what? I think the last thing the Vikings want right now is relevance, so let’s leave it like that. 17.- Dallas Cowboys (Last week: 16) Record: 5-5 (2nd in NFC East) Week 11: Won vs Cleveland, 20-23 (OT). Week 12: vs Washington (Thanksgiving Day) Fez: The zebras helping the Cowboys win? Shocker!!! I will mail this section in, in protest. TJ: Haters will hate. It’s not like the zebras didn’t make other calls favoring the Browns. You should watch the games some time. Anyway, I caught the final 3 minutes of this game, and Overtime (until TV Azteca decided some bad 90’s movie was more important and abruptly cut the broadcast) and somehow, deep down, I wished the Cowboys lost this one. I mean, losing to the Browns would put Jerry over the edge, right? And I mean it literally…like jumping from the edge of his luxury box to the void below…I keep having these weird dreams…let’s just move on… 18.- Washington Redskins (Last week: 21) Record: 4-6 (3rd in NFC East) Week 11: Won vs Philadelphia, 6-31. Week 12: at Dallas (Thanksgiving Day) Fez: You know who’s licking his chops about playing under the spotlight again? RGIII! I can see it now: TJ tweeting that he is kicking himself for not being able to watch the game due to work, then reading the game updates, getting his hopes up, and at the end of the game, despair, sadness. RGIII just beat the Cowboys at their own space ship. Can’t wait! TJ: I’m leaning toward turning off my phone on Thursday, or call a meeting with the other managers, or catch up with my weekly reports (I’m currently 3 weeks behind…must catch up before the end of the year), or anything that will keep my head away from the game. Did you see those bombs RGIII threw against the Eagles? Can you imagine how it will be with the forever pathetic Cowboys secondary? No. No way. I’m not watching. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!! 19.- Detroit Lions (Last week: 17) Record: 4-6 (4th in NFC North) Week 11: Lost vs Green Bay, 24-20. Week 12: vs Houston (Thanksgiving Day) Fez: 19 carries, 84 yards, a score. Decent output from my man Mikel LeShoure. Still, the Lions need to address their offensive line and defense as a whole before they can contend. Sucks for them that they’re on what seems to be the toughest division in the league, too. They’d have a shot in the AFC. TJ: Sometimes to make a step forward, you need to make a step backwards…or something like that. I can’t really remember. I really think the Lions are just a half-decent defense away from turning the NFC North into a bloodbath in the next years. I mean, in 2013 Megatron won’t be in the Madden cover, and will explode for 2500 receiving yards and 35 TDs. As long as Stafford stays healthy, of course. 20.- Miami Dolphins (Last week: 20) Record: 4-6 (4th in AFC East) Week 11: Lost at Buffalo, 14-19 (TNF). Week 12: vs Seattle TJ: Read that sentence again: “Lost at Buffaloâ€. Shouldn’t that put you at least a couple of spots lower? Anyway…It can’t be a coincidence that as soon as I praised Tannehill’s performance he started looking like Ryan Freaking Leaf out there. But if there really is a connection, let me tell you this…RGIII and Nick Foles are the best young QBs ever in the history of the Universe and they will be impossible to stop in the next 15 years. We are so screwed… Fez: You’re a little too late with your attempt at jinxing RGIII, and Foles has the Fez immunity, because: I BELIEVE IN NICK FOLES!!! Aside of that I couldn’t push the Dolphins down. The tiebreaker is freaking them right now, but they at least have a decent run defense. 21.- San Diego Chargers (Last week: 18) Record: 4-6 (2nd in AFC West) Week 11: Lost at Denver, 23-30. Week 12: vs Baltimore TJ: Did you see the last two plays of the Chargers game? [ame=http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/0ap2000000097081/Rivers-calls-it-quits]Go ahead and see them.[/ame] Don’t worry, I’ll just wait right here…….**waiting** **waiting** **waiting**….good, you’re back. I think it is pretty clear that Phillip Rivers has quit on this team. I mean, honestly…you have 23 seconds to cover 80 yards, and you take 7 seconds to throw a 7 yard pass!! Then you’re sacked, get up and head straight for the locker room while there are still at least 10 seconds remaining. Look, I know they had no shot at tying the game, but COME ON!! Show some balls!! Try one of those crazy plays they show in the movies…maybe it’ll work!! So, from now on, and until he proves me wrong, I’m calling Phillip Rivers “Fez Riversâ€. Fez: Hey now! Take that back! You are a witness that I may be anything, but a quitter. You should watch our office’s hoops team: we suck. No, wait. We blow. But anytime I get in, I run the freaking court up and down. Who cares if I’m one of the shortest guys out there. Who cares if my knees ache the following morning. Anyway, thanks for showing that video; it reinforces my belief that Philip Rivers is a loser. Talented, but a loser nonetheless. 22.- New York Jets (Last week: 24) Record: 4-6 (2nd in AFC East) Week 11: Won at St. Louis, 27-13. Week 12: vs New England TJ: Now I’ll give you Tebow’s stats in the Jets win: -6 yards. Minus six. Don’t know much about religion, but isn’t it some kind of sign? No? You want me to shut the heck up now? Okay, then. Fez: Sanchez’s performance against the Rams pretty much seals the fate: we won’t see Tim Tebow start a game this year unless the Sanchize gets hurt. Want to talk about signs? How about the fact that god may be almighty (I’m not a believer, but whatever, bear with me), but even he can’t take the Jets stink off his own son. Big blow for bible-thumping Christians and pedophile priests. 23.- Buffalo Bills (Last week: 28) Record: 4-6 (3rd in AFC East) Week 11: Won vs Miami, 14-19 (TNF). Week 12: at Indianapolis TJ: I’ll take this opportunity to mention that this past Thursday game was blocked in all cable companies here in Mexico because of some corporate fight between the “owner of the NFL TV rights†for this country, and the cable/satellite companies. I really don’t understand the details, but apparently, the guy who bought the TV rights for Mexico from the NFL wants to charge the NFL and the cable companies to the rights to broadcast Thursday’s games live. I know, either it doesn’t make sense, or I really don’t understand it. Yeah, Thursday’s games this season have sucked anyway, but this could be the beginning of something weirder. Now, I’ll give you Fez’s rant on the subject: Fez: You get what you ask for. Didn’t I say last week that we can’t get enough Tebow? Well, freaking NFL Network blocked the TNF matchup feed in Mexico, and instead gave us… “10 things we love about Tim Tebowâ€. I wish I was making that up. Well you know what? FREAK YOU, ROGER GOODELL!!! BURN IN HELL, YOU GREEDY MOTHERFREAKER!!! WE DON’T NEED YOUR GOD DAMNED CHANNEL, WE’LL ALWAYS HAVE THE ONLINE STREAMS TO WATCH YOUR MISERABLE TNF MATCHUPS THAT SHOULDN’T EVEN EXIST!!! I HOPE YOU SPEND AN ETERNITY IN HELL, PICKING UP THE EQUIVALENT OF THE NFL’S ANNUAL REVENUE IN PENNIES, WHILE THE GOD DAMNED DEVIL STICKS HIS PINCHFORK UP YOUR BUTT!!! 24.- Tennessee Titans (Last week: 22) Record: 4-6 (3rd in AFC South) Week 11: Bye. Week 12: at Jacksonville TJ: I was looking for this week’s 50-burger and I was surprised the Titans weren’t involved in it. Of course, they were in a bye, so maybe they scored 50 on the bye…or the bye scored 50 on them, with no in-between, of course. Fez: Titans at Jaguars next week? Can’t we just sim-play this game and move on? 25.- Carolina Panthers (Last week: 23) Record: 2-8 (4th in NFC South) Week 11: Lost vs Tampa Bay, 27-21 (OT). Week 12: at Philadelphia (MNF) Fez: What, a 2-win team above the 3-win Raiders and 4-win Cardinals? Tell me with a straight face that this Panthers team wouldn’t beat either of those 2 in a neutral field. Screw, tell me they wouldn’t beat either of those on the road. Onto the good news, they’ll face the Eagles… on Monday Night. Come on, man. ESPN got hosed on that one. I know they probably thought: “NEWTON! VICK! IT’S AN NFC ELITE SHOWDOWN ON ESPN!†Instead, they’ll get a concussed Vick or Nick Foles (once more time: I BELIEVE IN NICK FOLES!!!) and a confidence-shot Cam Newton. I’m not even sure I’d want to watch that game, and I kinda like both teams despite their losing records. TJ: Cam Newton is overrated, and I’m not a racist. 26.- Oakland Raiders (Last week: 27) Record: 3-7 (3rd in AFC West) Week 11: Lost vs New Orleans, 38-17. Week 12: at Cincinnati TJ: That win against the Steelers looks like it was 20 years ago, and it was just a few weeks ago. The defense is atrocious, and by the time they fix it, they’ll be looking for a new QB. And since stability is not a word known in the Black Hole, I’m pretty sure Coach Allen will be blamed and fired after the season. Just another season in Oakland, right? Fez: It’s like the Crypt Keeper never left. I insist on finding a way to land Matt Barkley in Oakland so we have the failed USC QB trifecta (yeah, I already crowned him as a failure). And why not, sign Matt Cassel while they’re at it. Carry 4 QBs in the roster. Could you think of another team more likely to pull off such a dumb move? 27.- Arizona Cardinals (Last week: 29) Record: 4-6 (3rd in NFC West) Week 11: Lost at Atlanta, 19-23. Week 12: vs St. Louis Fez: You’re Arizona. You’re hanging around with an NFC contender, on the road to boot. You force 5 (FIVE!!!) interceptions, AND recover a fumble. And you lose the game. I don’t even feel sorry for Larry Fitzgerald anymore. The anemic Cardinals QB combo of John Skelton and Ryan Lindley got him one pass for 11 yards. Hope you’re enjoying those millions, Larry. TJ: I still feel bad for the guy. Maybe in about 7-9 years he’ll be traded to a contender…I don’t know, maybe the Patriots, with Cyborg-Tom Brady as QB and Bellichick’s head in a jar a la Futurama coaching them. At least it will be fun… 28.- Cleveland Browns (Last week: 30) Record: 2-8 (4th in AFC North) Week 11: Lost at Dallas, 20-23 (OT). Week 12: vs Pittsburgh TJ: The Browns lost and are still two places up in the Rankings. That should tell you how much Fez hates the Cowboys. Had the Browns won that stinker of a game, the Browns would’ve got the second place just because. I’m not sure if they’re not that bad, or the Cowboys ARE that bad, so let’s leave it like that. Fez: Why would I have an agenda against a team that has won exactly one playoffs game in the past sixteen years? Anyway, with the season obviously lost, Pops Weeden playing for a job next year, the pride at stake and a Steelers team starting their 3rd stringer QB, Cleveland has a chance to upset Pittsburgh. If the Browns don’t win this game, the league might as well contract them, or at the very least demote them to the college level and call up the closest thing to an NFL squad in the NCAA: Texas A&M. 29.- Philadelphia Eagles (Last week: 25) Record: 3-7 (4th in NFC East) Week 11: Lost at Washington, 6-31. Week 12: vs Carolina (MNF) Fez: I don’t give a heck about his rough debut as the Eagles starters. I BELIEVE IN NICK FOLES, YOU HEAR ME?! I’ll be patiently waiting for people to hop on the bandwagon. I’m the self-appointed Founder, CEO and Driver of this bandwagon. You’ll see. TJ: Yeah, last week I said I was on the Russell Wilson bandwagon and I got a lot of crap from certain admin’s girlfriend. I bet she’ll agree with you and maybe even kiss your butt on that one. I really hate 49ers fans. 30.- Jacksonville Jaguars (Last week: 31) Record: 1-9 (4th in AFC South) Week 11: Lost at Houston, 37-43 (OT). Week 12: vs Tennessee TJ: The Chad Henne era has officially begun in LA…I mean, Jacksonville. Let’s hope it’s not as bad as the Gabbert era. This team might be even worse than the expansion Jaguars back in ’95. Of course, that team went all the way to the AFC Championship the following year, so maybe this might not be the best comparison. *Fez: The Jaguars chose the wrong year to suck. And the Pakistani Ron Jeremy may not be all too pleased to see his team is failing in so many levels and doesn’t have a single franchise player with Maurice Jones-Drew hurt and wanting a new contract that he will NOT get from any Florida team. Tough choice: do you roll the dice and pray the previously dolphins journeyman will turn his career around and become their franchise QB, or do you keep giving Gabbert the chance to redeem himself? Benching him won’t help his confidence in any way so if you trust Gabbert to either become your guy or throw your season down the toilet to land you a new high pick QB, go with him. You realize that Henne, in 4 years as a Dolphin, never cracked the 80-point mark in QB passer rating, right? The Houston game was a mirage, I’m convinced. Disclaimer: I wrote this before learning that Gabbert is headed to IR. I don't feel like writing a whole new entry so let's leave it like that. It won't make a difference for the Jaguars anyway so why bother? :icon_redface: 31.- St. Louis Rams (Last week: 26) Record: 3-6-1 (4th in NFC West) Week 11: Lost vs New York Jets, 27-13. Week 12: at Arizona Fez: I have very few rules in my life, but here’s one of them: Anytime you lose at home to a team led by Mark Sanchez, you’ll drop 5 spots in a Power Rankings section I’m part of. No questions asked. And no, it has nothing to do with pulling that gay tie against my 49ers last week. I mean, 2 TDs to the almighty Bilal Powell! That’s more than the number of TD output combined from the following players: Doug Martin, C.J. Spiller, Trent Richardson, Jamaal Charles, St. Louis’ own Steven Jackson, Arian Foster, and I could go on… Where can I petition the league to take away that tie and rule it a Win for San Francisco? TJ: Totally agree. The Rams are like those teams who can play hard, and stay in it with the top teams, and then play a lesser team and totally stink and lose the gained momentum. You know, exactly like the Mexico National Soccer Team. Yes!! We’re the Rams of world Soccer. 32.- Kansas City Chiefs (Last week: 32) Record: 1-9 (4th in AFC West, last place in the SEC, Div I-AA and your local Pee Wee League) Week 11: Lost vs Cincinnati, 28-6. Week 12: vs Denver TJ: This has become really pathetic. I’ve seen some bad teams in my life, but I really think even the ’08 Lions could beat these Chiefs. They’re bad, they have no guts, and they just don’t care. I’ll now leave Fez finish on a high note on them: Fez: The Chiefs are so dysfunctional, the SaveOurChiefs movement couldn’t even convince the attending crowd to wear black so their “fan blackout†would turn some heads across the country. The fanbase doesn’t even care anymore. Memo to owner Clark Hunt: when paperbags become common amenities at your home games, maybe, maaaaaaaybe it’s time for an overhaul, don’t you think? Ask the Ford family. Come on, say it with me: FIRE PIOLI!!! ROMEO MUST DIE!!!
good work fellas, i do my own power rankings on my blog. at a quick glance i think i have 6 teams in the same position as you guys. good luck.
