Dear Diary: My Wife Has Filed For Divorce.

Hahaha...that's great.

 

Porn and Drugs...lol

 

@DawkinsINT

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I think for the most part I've really handled the hurt and anger I feel pretty well. Last night was not a case of doing so, however. I found out that my mother-in-law, who accused me of killing one of the cats, has been coming over to the house everyday while I've been at work. The thought of someone saying such awful untruths about me relaxing in my home really bugs me.

My wife had previously told me that her mother doesn't come over often. I told her that she's a liar, and "I don't want your c**t mother in my house".

Calling her mother a c**t obviously upset my wife, and she said, "I'd rather have her here than you".

I controlled myself enough to just walk away and go to my bedroom. I stewed thinking about what awful things I should go back and say to her. I didn't though.

While I honestly believe that my anger is justified based on what has been done to me, I know it's not healthy for me to lash out on her or hold it inside.

I think I'm going to seek some kind of group or individual therapy. I don't want to be a ticking time bomb that explodes in front of the boys.

"Those who anger you, own you". - I completely agree with that. However, I have not been able to reach that level of philosophical clarity emotionally.

I'm hurt, angry, and depressed. Trying to hurt anyone else because of my feelings only makes things worse for all involved, very much including myself.

So I'm putting my ego and bravado aside and am going to seek help.

 

I was in the bathroom of our boys' gaming room. My eldest stepson while playing xbox said, "duck that guy". From inside the bathroom I yelled, "Language!". One of his online friends said, "Who was that in the background?". My stepson instantly said, "That was my Dad".

Sure, it was the fastest and easiest way for him to respond, but I don't think he did so just for those reasons. Based on conversations we've had, things I've done for him, etc...I honestly believe he thinks of me as his father.

It's touching and heartbreaking to me at the same time.

 

one day,she will realise what a huge clusterduck she stepped into my friend. it takes a special man to love somebody else's children and call them his own.if you are really special they call you dad.
none of us are perfect,but the kids loving you makes you a great person.

 

That was instinct and belief. troof.

 

First thing is that's great, Dawk. Gotta make you feel it's been worth it.




Second thing..."F*ck that guy"????? As a father, WTF are you teachin' those kids over there?

 

So I've (finally) come to the conclusion that my wife does not want to sell the house because she likes that I pay the majority of the bills and that she won't have to move herself and the boys into a small apartment.

It's completely on me to sell the house and move forward without each other.

The problem is...I'm still in love with her. Even though she doesn't love me the same way, I like seeing her every morning and night. I also don't like the thought of not seeing the boys daily.

Once I move out, I'll live with my brother until I find my own place. While I won't technically be alone, I will be compared to the life I've lived these past four years.

I think that is when true depression will kick in. Nothing like suicide or anything like that, but the daily life of missing my family will kick in. I can't imagine going through that chapter of my life truly being closed.

Even though I know it's the best thing for me to move forward in my life, I'm honestly scared to do so. I've always been pretty much self-reliant, but for the first time in my life I will admittedly need family and friends to help me through this. They've been amazing so far listening to me rant.

My ego has taken enough shots that I don't mind being completely honest and asking for an ear to lend.

 

Holly has officially warped into c**t Factor 5.

We are splitting our house bills, but she has not put in any money into paying off a $25,000 loan we took out due to her spending. The $450/month payment comes directly out of my checks. She has completely ignored that bill as if it doesn't exist.

When I said to her, "Why do you feel like I should pay off the loan by myself?", she responded with, "Talk to my lawyer". I told her that we are two people who once loved each other...why can't we discuss it like adults? She again told me to talk to our lawyers.

Meanwhile....she spent hundreds last Saturday on a Shih Tzu puppy. She already had two of them.

After a couple of hours I went outside, where she was hanging out with the dogs and her sister. With my phone on video I said, "I would like to ask you a question". She ducking ran inside into her room saying, "This is harassment!". I never even posed a question. Feeling guilty much?

 

Jeez...that sucks man. Sounds like she is getting worse and worse as the time goes on.

 

Holy balls dude. I feel for you.

My ex's name is holly. She's a psycho too.

 

I can't believe she's the same person that I married. Mental illness runs in their family, but I was totally unprepared for a sudden turn of pure coldness. It's like all the previous years we spent together never existed.

 

No definitely not the same person. Your's is a much more serious situation. I just thought it was a weird coincidence, if that's the right word.

I really wish there was something we could do, though. But as it is, I'm not a trained assassin, just an amateur one. And I don't think that's the best solution anyways.

 

If it makes you feel better Dawk, I'd like to walk over to your place and punch her in the face and take that new dog of hers. Normally I might kick the dog, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf...and it's not the dog's fault.




disclaimer: if someone really does walk over, punch her in the face and take the dog, it wasn't really me...because it doesn't really sound like it's out of the realm of possibility.

 

Hahaha...you guys are great.

This not only has made me for the first time fall out of love with her....but now all I need to do is break out my phone and Holly and her sister will scramble...haha.

 

Ugggggh, man, reading those earlier posts was like a punch in the gut...Im sorry for you having to go through that. Hopefully it helps with closure on it all in the long run I guess, but that still sucks.