Proper Rules Of Whining!

Discussion in 'NFL Smack Central' started by bandi, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. bandi

    bandi Hall Of Famer

    For those who missed it the last time's how to whine the RIGHT way! :icon_cheesygrin:

    The Official Rules of Proper Whining

    These rules are based on the premise that whatever you choose to do in life, do it to the best of your ability. That being said, here are some of the official rules for being a world class whiner.

    1. Your team must lose the game. If you win, such as when the Steelers beat the Colts, your comments will most likely fall into the catagory of being ticked off, complaining, etc. but not rise to the level of whining. So the first and foremost rule is to lose.

    2. Your team must also lose by at least 2 scores thereby making it doubtful that any questionable calls actually affected the outcome of the game. Remember, whining is achieved more convincingly when you stretch the impact of a negative call beyond the reaches of sanity.

    3. Your team should have committed a variety of errors such as interceptions, poor clock management, dropped passes, etc. in the course of losing, thereby making the calls that you are complaining about more insignificant in the scheme of things. This failure to acknowledge your own shortcomings will make your status as a whiner much more believable.

    4. Your team must have failed to make the necessary plays when the opportunity presented itself. This means that your team must possess the ball many times over the course of the game and yet fail to cash in (even when no penalties were involved). This will cause an objective observer to say something like, "hey, why are they complaining about 1 or 2 failed opportunities involving officials when they failed to cash in for a score on a ton of other opportunities that involved absolutely no penalties at all. If you can get people thinking along those lines, you are on your way to qualifying as a whiner.

    5. A truly great whiner will use statistics to support his or her argument that their team was actually the best team on the field despite the final score. Say something like, well, uh, our running back had 2 more yards rushing than your running back did. Net yards gained or time of possession are other measurements that help one achieve whiner status.

    6. IF, IF, IF - Whatever you do, remember the importance of the word IF in your efforts to be a truly world class whiner. Let me give you an example:
    "Can you believe that run by Parker, you know, IF our safety hadn't been injured during the game, he wouldn't have been out of position and Parker would have only gained a few yards.

    7. Be absolutely sure to ignore facts when they fail to make your case. For example, if you are whining about Roethlisburger's touchdown (saying the ball didn't cross the plane of the goalline), do not, I repeat, do not acknolwedge the fact that it was 3rd down and the Steelers could have tried again and at the minimum would have kicked it for 3.

    8. Without coming out and saying it, make sure that you minimize any and all achievements of your opponent. For instance, if the other team uses a gadget play, that really doesn't count. Plus, any long runs over 20 yards and punt/kick-off returns don't count either. In other words, your scores are the result of skill and superiority while the other team's scores are the result of luck.

    9. Remember the domino effect - to be a really great whiner, you have to be able to connect the dots between events that occur on the field. For instance, if the official doesn't make that holding call, we wouldn't have had to throw the ball on the next play resulting in an interception. In other words, the interception was not your qb's fault, it was the officials fault on the previous play - this is brilliant whining, and it's even better if you can connect more than one dot. It might go something like this - The official failed to call off-sides on your opponent which meant that the play continued without interruption. Then on that play, one of your players is shaken up on the play and needs a break for a few plays. His replacement then allows the opposing team to throw a completed pass against your team resulting in a first down on his own 30 yard line. The shaken up player returns without any physical problems whatsoever) yet still proceeds to allow 5 completed passes on his side of the field culminating in a touchdown. A world class whiner will be able to connect the dots and say that the touchdown was because of a bad officials call.

    10. Always fail to differentiate between a close call and a bad call. Even if the replay from 25 angles shows that the opposing player crosses the plane of the goalline by an inch, remember that you cannot afford to acknowledge this as a close call. This you cannot do if you are to be considered among the elite whiners of our day. No, you must refuse the temptation and call this an absolutely horrible call - and remember that any close call that goes against you must always be considered an outrage.

    11. Always ignore any bad calls that go against your opponent. Remember, it's all about you and your team. Forget about anything that goes against the other team - that's their problem.

    MRAVEN 1st Stringer

    Why was Mr. D not given credit for writin' that?
  3. Sweets

    Sweets All-Pro

  4. hermhater

    hermhater Guest

    I've seen some pretty crappy officiating this season with receivers basically getting tackled before the ball arrives, and no penalties.

    Am I a whiner?
  5. smeags

    smeags militant geek

    you're a chiefs fan, it's instinctive.
  6. Mr. D

    Mr. D WINNING!!

    maybe because I didn't write it

    that could be a reason

    MRAVEN 1st Stringer

    So you just incorporate it into your daily routine .....check.:cool:
  8. Mr. D

    Mr. D WINNING!!

    haven't whined yet :cool:
  9. hermhater

    hermhater Guest

    Well it's been happening quite consistently to all the other teams, so at least I'm whining fairly.
  10. bandi

    bandi Hall Of Famer

    Yeah.....but are you whining properly??? :icon_cheesygrin:
  11. ravenfan52

    ravenfan52 Perennial All Pro

    (In high-pitched voice) "The only reason the Steelers lost to the Patriots [by 18 points last year] is that Anthony Smith guaranteed a Steelers' victory. Yes, that motivated Brady and the Pats to win and throw towards him. The Steelers would have won..." Actually heard this from a Steelers' fan friend of mine. I think he's MAYOR of whining.
  12. dolphindude13

    dolphindude13 Jack Of All Trades

    I think there is a Rams fan here that fits this criteria to a T.:icon_cheesygrin: