Dear Diary: My Wife Has Filed For Divorce.

Sorry to hear this Chuck. No matter how this will end, don't let it drag you down bro

 

Thanks, Olly. There's no way that this won't drag me down somewhat. I honestly love her and there also is a huge shot to the ego. I know I'll be fine eventually though. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by people that love me and truly care.

 

So last night I missed the beginning of the draft because my eldest stepson is a member of the high school chorus, and they were having their year end concert. I had zero problem with that. Being there for him was far more important than the draft, especially considering that his mother wouldn't be able to be there (not for a reason that I would blame her for missing). He was amazing with his singing and dancing. I honestly started to tear up watching him out of pride. He's such a great kid.

After the show, I greeted him where the students came out. He instantly started pulling me to meet his chorus mates and would tell them, "This is my Dad", or, "meet my Stepdad". I felt good that he was proud of me, and sad that he doesn't know about the impending divorce.

Then tonight as I tell my middle stepson that he needs to get off of Xbox to go to bed, I hear him tell the people he is playing with, "I gotta go. My Dad is making me go to bed".

I don't think he ever has referred to me as, "Dad". Even if he only did it as a quick explanation to his friends online, he said that word.

As much as I may want to attack my wife and especially my mother-in-law, I need to keep my cool so I can continue to be a part of the boys' lives.

Setting my ego aside to not bash the treatment I have received, and will receive, for their betterment is the biggest test of my character that I will ever have to face.

I honestly know that they are better with me in their lives than without me. I'm positive that my wife feels the same way, so this is ducked up.

I will try to put my anger aside and attempt to live by the credo of, "Always do the next right thing".

 

You really are the ducking man, Dawk. That cannot be said enough.

 

I'm a man of many mistakes. I did not think that this marriage was one of them. For whatever reason, it was a mistake in my wife's eyes. I have the love of these boys, so despite my own personal hurt, I know that good has come out of this. I will be there for them, and I think the boys will know that.

 

For being an Eagles fan, you're really a good man!

 

Damn, Dawk

If I wasn't married, I'd ask you out on a date.

Props...

 

Props Dawk...props.

I forget...did you and the wife dormant sort of counseling? Out of curiosity, and don't feel obligated to answer because frankly it's none of my business. Would you stay with her if she had a change of heart? Do you think/know that if the mother was out of the picture, things would be totally different?

 

When she told me she was filing I said we should go to counseling to fight for our marriage. She said it wouldn't have done any good. Originally I would have stayed with her if she had a change of heart, but now I know I can't trust it not to happen again, and I want to be with someone that loves me completely. I honestly don't know the full impact her mother has had.

 

While I'm still somewhat in the "woe is me" phase, I have come around to being more accepting of her stance even though I don't understand it.

For whatever reason, she no longer loves me like a wife should love her husband. If that's the way she truly feels, then she has made the right decision despite the hurt it will put on the boys and myself.

They will always have the love of both of us whether we are a couple or not.

I will have to deal with this hurt, but it's better than her pretending everything is fine.

 

Dawk, keep this in mind...

This has more to do with her dysfunction & the fact that she apparently has always run from the truths of her life. She can't afford to have someone like you around cuz it holds the mirror up for her to see her own failings. It's always been about her & not her kids or you.

Just keep doing what you're doing & don't allow 2nd guessing of what you could have done differently cuz she didn't allow it. Proof is how she's put her 'needs' above not only you, but her own kids.

I would even go as far as to say that since you'll still be a part of the kids lives, there'll be future convos when they get older & start seeing the damage wrought by her & come looking for answers. Your true worth is far from over when it comes to making things better for them. You'll see...

 

Thanks for those great words, Tark. It means a lot, seriously.

I've had scenarios dancing in my head from time to time of the kids yelling at her over this. I want her to feel pain the way I do.

I want her to feel hurt and regret. I want to explain to the boys the full extent of the sacrifices I made when I married her. The ego in me wants it.

But I really need to be above that. The best thing for the boys is to love their mother, which they do very much, and to love me as well despite the change. The worst thing for them going forward knowing what the situation is, would be getting them thrown in the middle of he said/she said bullcrap.

And that's where my challenge truly lies goes forward....being a man that could still be useful to them by providing a positive influence, as opposed to attacking their grandmother and mother making this harder on them.

 

Got hit with some serious paperwork from her lawyer. Amongst the million things she wants me to do, part is for me to itemize anything of value I've purchased and to provide receipts. Ugh.

 

Down to how small and what if you don't have a receipt?

 

We're not separated. They want anything valued over $20 documented. My lawyer said its a ridiculous request and not to worry about it.

 

Go out and by some porn movies and hand in that receipt...

 

Let us know when you want us to start sending you receipts, Dawk... :)

 

That would be phenomenal...receipts from porn shops all over the country...lol.