Fez & TJ NFL Power Rankings. Week 3 Edition

TJ finally has bragging rights; Fez’s weekend falls apart faster than his health. It’s Fez and TJ’s Power Rankings, Week 3 edition!

Fez: Hello, everybody! Welcome our Power Rankings. As you may remember, yours truly suffered the Sports Weekend from Hell last week, after being affected by a number of events that made me reconsider whether someone performed voodoo on me. Heading into this one, I thought things would change… nope. More on that later, but I’ll give you a preview: I got sick. Now, I’m sure none of you enjoys an annoying cowboys fan bragging about the September Champions; unfortunately they got a win this week. Add that up to the losses of the rest of the NFC East AND the 49ers, and we have the co-author of these PRs doing backflips and generally making you, dear reader, wish you could punch him in the face. Since we have no size limit when we write these up, you all may have to poke your eyes before you finish this piece. Here’s what TJ has to say, meanwhile I’ll go search for the scissors.

TJ: YES, WE CAN!!! I don’t know what you’re complaining about, buddy…my past weekends have been AWESOME!! Specially this one. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time my Cowboys had a better record than your 49ers. It probably was back when Mike Singletary was ranting about not being able to coach with them. Anyway, it was a long time ago. And since I’m not expecting this to last, I’ll take full advantage of it by being the biggest butthole I can possibly be. Get ready, good people of GIF, because in about 7000 words you’re really going to hate me. Without further ado, here is the Week 3 Edition of Fez & TJ Power Rankings presented by Gridironfans.com. Enjoy!


1.- Seattle Seahawks (Last Week: 1)
2013 Record: 3-0 (1st in NFC West)
Week 3: W vs Jacksonville, 17-45
Week 4: at Houston
TJ: Do you want to know a funny stat? The Seahawks have the same amount of wins than the other NFC playoff teams from last year COMBINED. In fact, I wanted to rank the Seahawks and Broncos 1 and 2, then leave blank spaces from 3 to 15 and rank the following teams there. My Seahawks-Broncos Super Bowl prediction looks really good so far. Too bad I don’t have any money on it, but as you’re about to see, it’s all about the bragging rights. And yes. I know it’s still September, it’s still not that cold, and all that. But right now I look like a genius and it’s all that matters.

Fez: Of course you don’t have any money for it. Kitty. Whipped. You can’t even lose 50 bucks without freaking out. I wish I knew when you turned into a Seahawks fan, but whatever. I’m not going to take anything away from them but they have to win convincingly at Houston so we don’t consider them frauds, just like the Falcons, the Giants and… gasp… the 49ers. You know there is some major bad karma waiting to bite them in the ass, though. I don’t forget the way they took out SF NT Ian Williams. Screw them.


2.- Denver Broncos (Last Week: 2)
2013 Record: 3-0 (1st in AFC West)
Week 3: W vs Oakland, 21-37 (MNF)
Week 4: vs Philadelphia
Fez: Peyton Manning is just… awesome. Before halftime, he broke an NFL record for most TD passes through the first three games (12). To keep things in perspective, that’s Blaine Gabbert’s career high in a season! The Broncos are clicking on all cylinders, but there will always be concerns when it comes to a guy who had, you know, four neck surgeries.

TJ: Well, Manning is got to prove a point. For over a decade everybody’s favorite debate was Manning vs. Brady. Stats vs. Championships. Manning has the stats, Brady has the championships…but wait!! Brady has the Season TD record!! Manning is a man on a mission. He already took Brady’s favorite WR. He’s now going for Brady’s record. Tom? I’d take good care of Gisele just to be safe.


3.- New England Patriots (Last Week: 5)
2013 Record: 3-0 (1st in AFC East)
Week 3: W vs Tampa Bay, 3-23
Week 4: at Atlanta (SNF)
Fez: I just don’t know how they do it anymore, but they keep chugging along. I mean, really, the supporting cast right now would make other OCs and QBs cry, but Tom Brady makes it look so easy. He’s the ultimate Chef, making chicken salad out of chicken crap… A bit unrelated: if we made a “rich guy awkward high fives†power rankings, Bob Kraft would be in the top 5 right now:

[ame=http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-game-highlights/0ap2000000248176/Kenbrell-Thompkins-5-yard-TD-reception]New England Patriots wide receiver Kenbrell Thompkins 5-yard TD reception - NFL Videos[/ame]

“Just clap my hand, servants. I pay the bills here, heckers.â€

TJ: These Patriots remind me a lot of those 2001 Patriots that came out of nowhere and won the Super Bowl (back when all of America was filled with Patriots **wink wink**): A shaky offense, not a lot of stars (if any…besides Brady, of course), but a solid defense, and mistake-free football. I think the ultimate chef Fez is talking about is Belichick, not Brady. This will be a fun race with the Dolphins for the division crown, but until they play each other, we’re leaving them here.


4.- Baltimore Ravens (Last Week: 8)
2013 Record: 2-1 (2nd in AFC North)
Week 3: W vs Houston, 9-30
Week 4: at Buffalo
Fez: No Ray Rice? No problem! Well, technically. Bernard Pierce added a score, but he was generally uneffective against a stout Texans defense. The defense did the dirty work, decimating an otherwise potent rushing attack and shutting Houston out altogether in the whole second half. How the heck do they do that? Oh yeah, by not getting cute with their playcalling. Are you listening, 49ers OC Greg Roman? Not that I’m bitt… oh, yeah, I’m bitter. I hate everyone.

TJ: Well, it’s not that hard to defeat the Texans at home when you’re the DEFENDING SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!! (With that, I hope they stop whining about how disrespected they are despite winning the Super Bowl and all that). It was a special game, you know…Ed Reed coming back home, Ray Lewis suiting up, running around in the sidelines and screaming obscenities to everyone…just like last year when they won it all. Good times…good times…

Fez: He should’ve worn a white suit, just for the sake of it.


5.- New Orleans Saints (Last Week: 9)
2013 Record: 3-0 (1st in NFC South)
Week 3: W vs Arizona, 7-31
Week 4: vs Miami (MNF)
TJ: Apparently, having your Head Coach in the sidelines every game can actually help!! Who knew? I’m sure Fez feels really confident about his annual bet with our friend the Saints fan, you know, now that he’s only 2 games behind. And yes, there are still 13 games to go, but I’m getting the feeling he will be living under a bridge by November. Good times!!

Fez: I can always move to Queretaro to ask you for shelter. This is the kind of wins that make the Saints feel like a real contender, not last week’s fiasco against Tampa. Top 5 in a matter of three weeks, when we ranked them what, 18? 20? It’s amazing. By the way, there will be a bet that I will not lose, and that’s the Niners-Saints one. I can’t lose it. I just can’t… can I?

TJ: Yes, I have an extra room…no, you can’t afford the rent…


6.- Miami Dolphins (Last Week: 11)
2013 Record: 3-0 (2nd in AFC East)
Week 3: W vs Atlanta, 23-27
Week 4: at New Orleans (MNF)
Fez: Raise your hand if you saw this coming.

*tumbleweed*

The Dolphins are a real threat to the Patriots’ longtime reign of the AFC East. Beating Indy on the road and Atlanta at home will make people think that. And, just like the Ravens, they don’t even have a reliable running game right now! What in the world?! The best part for Miami? Mr. Lauren Tannehill is slowly sneaking into the conversation as the third best QB in that 2012 draft class, only behind Andrew Luck and Russell Wilson, surpassing RG-Knee, Brock Osweiler, Nick Foles, Captain Kirk, Ryan Lindley, a few undrafted guys who are now working at Target, and last, Brandon Weeden.

TJ: Once again, with feeling!! RYAN TANNEHILL!! I ALWAYS LIKED HIM!! All that money spent during the offseason has been working great so far. And next week, their revamped defense will face its biggest challenge when they visit New Orleans, in which will probably be the first Monday Night game I regret missing.


7.- Chicago Bears (Last Week: 10)
2013 Record: 3-0 (1st in NFC North)
Week 3: W at Pittsburgh, 40-23 (SNF)
Week 4: at Detroit
TJ: That’s it. I’m starting Jay Cutler In His Contract Year in my fantasy team, and sitting Kaepernick. In fact, I’m placing Kaepernick in the trading block. If anyone of the MexMedia league is reading this (and if you have me on facebook or twitter, chances are you are), send me your best offer. How different QBs look when they have some time to make their reads and their throws, and in Cutler’s case, he even looks…well, HAPPY!! Who knew it was possible?

Fez: I had forgotten all along that you had CK7 in your fantasy team. Dump him now, I beg you. Your Cowboy stink is spreading through his tats. As for Chicago, who knew? Smokin’ Jay Cutler is having his best season yet and looks like a threat to run away with the division. Will they hold off the Packers?


8.- Green Bay Packers (Last Week: 3)
2013 Record: 1-2 (3rd in NFC North)
Week 3: L at Cincinnati, 30-34
Week 4: BYE
TJ: Is it just me, or does it seem like the Packers can’t win close games on the road? I was watching the game on Sunday, and they showed a replay in which Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy seemed to be having an argument or something. This usually ends in one of two ways: either the player gets released, or traded, or the coach gets fired. I think it’s time to turn up the heat in McCarthy’s seat. That defense can’t stop anyone. Again. Oh, boy…

Fez: Aaron Rodgers just might be the best QB in football right now, but when his defense doesn’t hold up, what is he gonna do? Hey, Aaron… remember when you were a niner fan? How awesome would it be to fulfill your childhood dr… oh, no, I can’t do this to Kap. Give me a reason to cheer, Colin!!!


9.- Houston Texans (Last Week: 6)
2013 Record: 2-1 (1st in AFC South)
Week 3: L at Baltimore, 9-30
Week 4: vs Seattle
Fez: Doing my best Bill Barnwell imitation, I’ll throw a few numbers to you, in hopes it delivers the point that Matt Schaub is holding the Texans back, and praying that I somehow make any sense. Hang on, I’ll go get a giant bag of Cheetos, a few beers, put on a Hawaiian shirt and lock myself in my basement… hang on, hang on… done. Schaub’s passer rating this season: 87.3; not bad, but not good either, just average, vintage Schaub. 6 TDs and 4 INTs… again, not bad, but not good, either. 6.5 passing yards per attempt… not bad, but not good, either. 7 sacks in 3 games… not bad, but not good, either. 279 yards per game… not bad, but not good. See where I’m going? No? Well, heck.

TJ: ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzz……wait, what? You’re done? Sorry…it’s just that when I read Barnwell, or something that looks like it was written by Barnwell I just feel really, really sleepy. But yeah…point taken. And also taken was my season preview point about the Texans not being able to compete with the AFC big boys. At least apparently this time winning the division won’t be that easy. Can’t wait to see them face the Colts.


10.- Cincinnati Bengals (Last Week: 12)
2013 Record: 2-1 (1st in AFC North)
Week 3: W vs Green Bay, 30-34
Week 4: at Cleveland
Fez: THIS IS MY RED RIFLE!!! THERE ARE NONE LIKE HIM, AND THIS ONE IS MINE!!! Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t a spectacular fantasy game for the Ginger Stinger, but when your other guy is wearing down faster than the “Football on your phone†video’s popularity, you take what you can get. I’m not even mad that they would’ve broken my parlay, had it not been ruined about 90 minutes before this game was over (more on that later). THIS IS MY RED RIFLE!!!

TJ: Good God!! That’s Terrence Newman’s music!!! I didn’t even know he was still in the league!! Screw, I didn’t even know he was still alive!! Now he has the same amount of big plays for the Bengals that the ones he had in 9 years with the Cowboys: one. Cut him now, Bengals. He’s done.


11.- Indianapolis Colts (Last Week: 13)
2013 Record: 2-1 (2nd in AFC South)
Week 3: W at San Francisco, 27-7
Week 4: at Jacksonville
Fez: It’s been a great season for Stanford products; first, twinky Sherman gets to do this and get away with it:



And now Luck comes in and dominates his old coach’s team like it was child’s play. Just amazing. No wonder Harbaugh nabbed Owen Marecic before any other team (like the Rams, of course) got him and came back to haunt him. It could be the bitterness in me, but it’s just unfair that the Colts sandwiched only one horrible season in between the Manning and Luck eras. Come on, we had to endure 8 years of Alex Smith!!! Geez!!!

TJ: Did he take Harbaugh’s wallet or something? Geez, man…are you the guy who was complaining about the noise in Seattle? You are, aren’t you? I knew it!! I was going to call you out on that, but I didn’t have any proof!! What I’m trying to say with all of this is…you should really clean up your sandy vag. As for the Colts, they start a brutal stretch of their schedule (with a pause next week against the Jags) with a nice and deserved win in San Francisco.


12.- San Francisco 49ers (Last Week: 4)
2013 Record: 1-2 (3rd in NFC West)
Week 3: L vs Indianapolis, 27-7
Week 4: at St. Louis (TNF)
TJ: Colin Kaepernick, YOUR’RE FIRED!!!...from my two fantasy teams where you start. All other 30 teams in the league (except the Packers) have figured out your pistol read-option offense. You obviously are not suited to do more than that. You spent the offseason posing naked, rooting for the dolphins, getting new tattoos, betting eyebrows in commercials, and basically, well, doing this…



…and thought the league wouldn’t catch up with you!! Shame on you, Colin. It’s just too bad you haven’t dropped a FG hold in a big game, or you’d be the laughing stock of America right now. Now please destroy the Rams next Thursday so you make me look like an idiot again. No, please!! I insist!!

Fez: Apparently you didn’t watch the NFCCG, did you? Thought so. Since the Cowboys seasons always end on December or early January, you just don’t bother watching any longer. Fine, I’ll get you up to date: Kap can run a pro-style offense. He can throw, it’s just that for some odd reason, the coaching staff cut his balls off. All offseason long, we’ve heard stories about teams wanting to take a shot at Kap, and all offseason long he’s probably heard the same, over and over, from the coaches: “don’t risk yourselfâ€, “play it safeâ€, “slide anytime you feel someone closeâ€. If the receivers can’t get open, he might as well have to do more to keep the team competing.

Last, but not least, I rarely do this, but in this case it’s well deserved. OC Greg Roman: so far we’ve seen the fullback lined up at receiver, nevermind that he specializes at blocking, and played defensive end in college; you failed to use Frank Gore more (and poor Frank is reasonably upset about it) even though he was killing the Colts early; and for the love of god, anytime you want to run a toss play, don’t have the slow, short-yardage back out there to run outside the tackles. I don’t know, seems like common sense. Here, you deserve this one:




13.- Atlanta Falcons (Last Week: 7)
2013 Record: 1-2 (3rd in NFC South)
Week 3: L at Miami, 23-27
Week 4: vs New England (SNF)
TJ: Matt Ryan, in a two minute drill in the 4th quarter, with the game on the line…gets intercepted and the game ends. I’m sorry, but I have to ask again: why do some guys get a free pass like that? Had it been Ramiro Romo ending the game with an interception, the media and the talking heads would be roasting him right now!! There would be a thread in this very site with more than 15 pages now about it!! What the hell, people!! Say it with me: MATT RYAN IS A CHOKER!!! MATT RYAN CANNOT PLAY WELL WHEN IT COUNTS!! MATT RYAN CANNOT LEAD THIS TEAM TO A CHAMPIONSHIP!!! MATT RYAN IS OVERRATED!!!

Fez: Ah, yes, for the past three weeks, all I’ve read on TJ’s twitter account is sarcastic remarks about Cowboys miscues on defense and offense being Ramiro Romo’s fault. “See, the DB got burned, damn you Ramiroâ€; “oh, look, the receiver fumbled… that was on Ramiroâ€. See, TJ, there are times when you just can’t win an argument no matter what you say. All I have to write is “Matt Ryan’s made it to a NFCCG. Your argument is invalid†and voila. TJ pls.


14.- Dallas Cowboys (Last Week: 14)
2013 Record: 2-1 (1st in NFC East)
Week 3: W vs St. Louis, 7-31
Week 4: at San Diego
TJ: Glad to see these buttholes winning the games they’re supposed to win. But after watching the NFC East go 0-4 in week 2 and 1-3 in week 3, I figured that our division is the new NFC West circa 2010. 8-8 or even 7-9 wins this division. And since in our season preview I predicted the Cowboys to go 8-8 no matter what happens (CONSISTENCY, BABY!!!), I’m already expecting them to win the division, and then get murdered at home against either a very pissed 49ers team in the Wild Card round (and Fez will…well, let’s just say he’ll make sure I’ll never EVER forget about that), or the Lions, or Falcons, or Bears, or any team stuck in a division with a juggernaut. Has a home team ever been 20-points underdog in the playoffs? Get ready…it will happen. Hey, Fez…if you had to choose between winning the division and a first-round bye, or a wild-card berth and a travel to Jerry’s world to humiliate the Cowboys on national TV, what would you choose? (Wait for it…wait for it…)

Fez: Gimme the first round bye, I don’t care. At this point, without Willis, poor Aldon Smith, Crabtree, Manningham, Ian Williams, Vernon… I don’t feel confident in any road game anymore. You could say that the coaching staff successfully cut off everyone’s balls, beginning with Kap’s and finishing with the most remote niner fan on earth. I want my balls back, Harbaugh!


15.- Kansas City Chiefs (Last Week: 17)
2013 Record: 3-0 (2nd in AFC West)
Week 3: W at Philadelphia, 26-16
Week 4: vs New York Giants
Fez: Awesome, simply awesome. If you recall, back in our our 2012 Week 17 Edition, I stated that I had a big problem with the way the Eagles quit on Fat Andy, and believed he deserved a lot better than the crapshow his team performed in his final weeks as a HC there. Now he comes back “home†and obliterates Chip Kelly’s Burp Offense just like that. Poetic justice. Oddly enough, the Chiefs are 3-0 (yes, three and zero) and are looking like a mild threat to the rest of the league. Of course, I’m sure TJ agrees with me, the Chiefs need to face better competition before we crown their asses, Dennis Green style. You better look out, Denver. Imagine if they had a real QB under center and not simply an insanely overrated game manager.

TJ: ALEX SMITH JUST WINS FOOTBALL GAMES!! Geez…that sounds oddly familiar, doesn’t it? And what’s the deal with the Chiefs players pouring Gatorade on Andy Reid after the game? Guys? It’s still September. And you still have 2 games left against the Denver Peytons. Settle down a little bit. Anyway, it’s time for my weekly fantasy football rant, which will be short this time: Dwayne Bowe (flex starter): 1 reception, 4 yards. Jordan Cameron (left on the bench): 66 yards, 3 TDs. I lost by 3 points. My God, I hate, hate, hate, HATE fantasy football!!!


16.- Tennessee Titans (Last Week: 24)
2013 Record: 2-1 (3rd in AFC South)
Week 3: W vs San Diego, 17-20
Week 4: vs New York Jets
Fez: Frisky, frisky… that’s what describes the Titans right now. Good defense, good special teams, and an improving offense. Boy, am I getting trashed or what? Not only did I write a major screw-up on week 1 by listing Mike Munchak as a defensive guy, I also have to eat my words, as his team is competing and keeping up in AFC South hunt. By the way, I’m back on the Jake Locker bandwagon, thank you very much. The guy has always been a warrior, and he began his career as a wildly erratic passer, only to improve steadily. You saw that long run up the middle? Ballsy. Basically, he’s the bizarro Colin Kaepernick right now.

TJ: Yet another team that jumps several spots after a win. I guess this means we have no idea on the 2-1 and 1-2 teams so far. And this applies for the Titans. I still have no idea if they’re good. Sure, Locker had a good game, but I don’t know if he can be consistent. And Chris Johnson, my boy…all those yards are nice and all, but we need some touchdowns, man!! Make my 4th final fantasy football season count, damn it!!!


17.- Carolina Panthers (Last Week: 23)
2013 Record: 1-2 (2nd in NFC South)
Week 3: W vs New York Giants, 0-38
Week 4: BYE
TJ: That was so awesome. I want to apologize to Cam Newton after that performance. I’m sorry, Cam…and no, I won’t call you Scam Newton anymore…you know, until you start sucking again. Same for Ron Rivera, although I’m still pretty sure he sucks as a head coach. Maybe he can only win in blow outs or something.

Fez: You jerk, you only settled down because they trashed Eli Manning. Had it been someone else you’d still be on Cam’s back. I think this is the Panthers team that former GM Marty Hurney envisioned: tough, physical running game and stout defense. Of course it all could be a mirage; we do know their front 7 is outstanding, but what about the secondary? And the receivers sans Steve Smith? Good win for them, but I’m not convinced.


18.- Detroit Lions (Last Week: 26)
2013 Record: 2-1 (2nd in NFC North)
Week 3: W at Washington, 27-20
Week 4: vs Chicago
TJ: So the Lions win for the first time in DC since the beginning of the history of mankind, and jump a whooping 8 places in our rankings!! Yes, once again, that’s because teams are still accommodating themselves. This seems ok, I guess. And what’s the deal with Reggie Bush “guaranteeing†he’ll play next week? We don’t care if you play, Reggie. It’s all about Stafford to Megatron!! Daddy needs to win some fantasy games before he finally quits!! Yaaaay!!!

Fez: Reggie Bush? Who the hell is that, some self-centered prima donna or something? Anyway, the downside to having our Power Rankings published so early (late monday, after the MNF game to be exact) is that sometimes we miss out on stuff that would help us deliver our pieces with better quality. My biggest regret from week 2? Not linking to this video:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20p06CNon-U]Suh - YouTube[/ame]

That is Ndamukong Suh taking a cheap shot at Cardinals RT Eric Winston’s head. The league already threatened to suspend Bucs S Dashon Goldson due to his long story of personal fouls… how is Suh not even punished for this? Did he threaten to eat Goodell’s babies or something?


19.- St. Louis Rams (Last Week: 15)
2013 Record: 1-2 (2nd in NFC West)
Week 3: L at Dallas, 7-31
Week 4: vs San Francisco (TNF)
TJ: So much for being able to compete, or even win in the NFC Least. I mean, if the Giants and Redskins have proven anything in the past couple of years, is that in order to win the NFC East, you MUST win in Jerry’s palace. The Rams show up and get blown out by 24 points, so yeah…you can’t compete here either, Rams. Try the NFC South or something. And now that the cool thing to do is request teams to change their names, I’d like the St. Louis team to change its name to the “St. Louis DeMarco Murray’s Babyesâ€. I think it’s fitting. DeMarco claims he can run for 2000 yards in a season, and it’s entirely possible…if he plays against the Rams every week.

Fez: Sam Bradford is probably thanking his lucky stars because he won’t have to face Patrick Willis and Aldon Smith on a short week. The Rams gave San Francisco a lot of trouble last season, and with a decimated Niner team, it’s their best shot at keeping the division’s second place… gulp. As for the DeMarco Murray remarks from TJ… please. Let me see him endure a workload for four straight game before you legally change his name. Don’t be tripping.


20.- New York Jets (Last Week: 30)
2013 Record: 2-1 (3rd in AFC East)
Week 3: W vs Buffalo, 20-27
Week 4: at Tennessee
Fez: It’s a sad state of the bottom feeders of this league, when the Jets make a 10-spot jump after beating a struggling divisional foe. But embattled Geno Smith is working his way out of ridicule; what about those two long bombs to Holmes and Hill? And the way the running game came alive? Wowzers… Rex Ryan might keep his job beyond this season after all, and that’s for the well-being of humanity; the league will always have room for the guy’s foot fetish and boyish demeanor.

TJ: With Mark Sanchez in IR and the Jets playing decent football, the same old jokes seem to be decreasing. And that’s a good thing! Now let’s focus on the fact that the Jets had like 20 penalties in the game…and still won!! That’s amazing!! Al Davis would be proud. But you know that’s not going to cut it when they start playing the good teams, so it’s better to improve that now.


21.- Philadelphia Eagles (Last Week: 16)
2013 Record: 1-2 (2nd in NFC East)
Week 3: L vs Kansas City, 26-16
Week 4: at Denver
TJ: I’m not sure if the Eagles offense came out flat because of the 4-day rest, or the Chiefs defense is just that good…or maybe we should all realize that I was right, and you can’t run that offense with older NFL players!! And do Thursdays games suck lately or what? I was getting pissed because I get off really late from work sometimes and I miss most of those games, but when I get home and watch the highlights I realized I didn’t miss that much!! Besides, the Eagles opened the season on Monday night week 1, then played on Thursday in week 3. That’s 3 games in an 11-day span. For a team that intends to run at full speed all the time. The Eagles got screwed by the Schedule makers, and it almost makes me feel bad for them. Almost.

Fez: The same people dooming the 49ers right now are the same people who were crowning the Blur Offense (which has since changed its name to “the Burp Offenseâ€) after one week. Kansas City’s defense is good, but the truth is the offense is unsustainable. BTW, that’s 3 for 3 games where Michael Vick gets a minor injury. It’s only a matter of time, Chip Kelly... why fight it? I BELIEVE IN NICK FOLES, GOD DAMNIT!!!


22.- Buffalo Bills (Last Week: 19)
2013 Record: 1-2 (4th in AFC East)
Week 3: L at New York Jets, 20-27
Week 4: vs Baltimore
Fez: CJ Spiller, you’re killing me!!! What’s up with 9 yards on 10 carries? And Buffalo, allowing 149 yards to Bilal Powell is stupid for two reason. 1) He’s Bilal Powell. And 2) HE’S FREAKING BILAL POWELL!!! The Bills just can’t catch a break, can they? It’s not getting any easier, as they host Jerome Boger’s boys next week. They better be ready.

TJ: The sad part is that while I was watching your niners get creamed by the Colts at home (yes…I’ll use any excuse I can find to mention it. No, no…don’t thank me…than you!!), they cut to a highlight in New Jersey, and a running back broke one for like 40 yards. As I was getting up to celebrate, I realized it was Fred Jackson. Yes, this is my third complain about fantasy football in 22 teams, but bear with me please. I think it’s time to take team’s running units just like we do with defenses. At this point, I think only the Vikings use a featured running back who gets 25-30 carries a game. Now, give me one good reason why we shouldn’t make this change. I think it’s fair!!


23.- Cleveland Browns (Last Week: 28)
2013 Record: 1-2 (3rd in AFC North)
Week 3: W at Minnesota, 31-27
Week 4: vs Cincinnati
Fez: “Surely, the Browns just traded away their best offensive weapon… Brandon Weeden is horrible, and his backup must be even worse… but the Vikings don’t scare anyone and the Cleveland defense is still stout… sounds like a low-scoring game, heck it… hi, sweetie, I’d like to submit a parlay please… I’ll have the Browns game with the ‘under’…â€, and yeah, that “under†was at 40.5 pts, which both teams surpassed before the first half was over. Sounds like a sign from god, doesn’t it? I could hear it now: “FEZ, STOP THROWING AWAY YOUR MONEY, DAMNIT!!!!â€. Maybe I’m the one cursing my 49ers because of my gambling addiction… sigh.

TJ: So much has been said about the Trent Richardson trade. I applaud the Browns for attempting to pull a Jimmy Johnson (back in 1989…you know, when he built the Cowboys dynasty with the Herschell Walker trade). But one mere draft pick won’t build a dynasty. The possibilities are endless, it’s impossible to say who got the best end of the deal right now, but… just remember the Browns track record when they have 2 first round picks in the last few drafts: in 2007 they got Joe Thomas (great pick) and Brady Quinn (LOL). In 2012 they got Richardson and Brandon Weeden. Richardson is gone, and it seems they already gave up on Weeden, so what gives? And yes, I know this is a whole new front office and everything, but seems to me they just couldn’t wait to get rid of anything that resembled any decision made by the old regime. It’s like buying a new house to blow it up and build it again…which is probably what the Browns needed, but Browns fans have heard that message before “we suck so much, so we’ll need to start over againâ€. Now let’s hope they don’t screw up the 2014 draft because if they do, I’m afraid that’s what will finally push Browns fans over the edge…

Fez: My quick take: Richardson is injury prone, he’s NOT a top back, he’s no Adrian Peterson, he’s not even Arian Foster. Yes, the old regime screwed up by using a 3rd overall pick on him. How many times have you seen a team getting something similar in return for a failed high draft pick? The Brownies did the right thing here. Well, so far… now watch them build around Brian freaking Hoyer and draft another ordinary RB with one of their first rounders next season.


24.- Washington Redskins (Last Week: 20)
2013 Record: 0-3 (4th in NFC East)
Week 3: L vs Detroit, 27-20
Week 4: at Oakland
TJ: Do you want to know what’s really offensive? No, not the nickname!! That Defense!! Geez!! We seem to set new records in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE on defensive futility; you know, the Saints last year set a new all-time low…and the Redskins are right on pace to shatter that record. It’s so amazing, I want to cry…of happiness. Just know that if they lose to the Raiders next week, and the Chargers out-collapse the Cowboys, I’ll start doing back flips. I’ll probably break my back, but I don’t really care. This is so awesome!!

Fez: Oh yes, last week I legally changed the DC’s name to “Jim Haslett if he still has a jobâ€. I want my credit, damnit! The Redskins are a mess right now. The Redskins didn’t wait long enough to get a fully-recovered RGIII. The Redskins are not competing unless they somehow fix the defense and hand the job to Captain Kirk Cousins. The Redskins may probably want to get another DC before it’s too late. Also, the Redskins may want to try a little harder because they don’t have next year’s first rounder (cut to everyone in St. Louis cheering when the Redskins get another TD scored on them). In a nutshell, the Redskins blow right now. And yes, I realized I wrote the word “Redskins†way too many times in this paragraph. Why? Because heck the league and it’s sissy PC crap regarding the Redskins. Redskins, Redskins, Redskins, aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh.


25.- Minnesota Vikings (Last Week: 21)
2013 Record: 0-3 (4th in in NFC North)
Week 3: L vs Cleveland, 31-27
Week 4: vs Pittsburgh (In London)
TJ: They just lost to a team that started their 3rd string QB, traded their best offensive weapon 3 days before the game and replaced him with Willis McGahee’s corpse, and pretty much announced to the world “we’re giving up on this season, and we don’t even feel bad about itâ€. And this is the tastefully named Christian Ponder’s fault? This defense is atrocious. It really is!! Stop blaming QBs for things they can’t control, damn it!!

Fez: Actually… it’s somehow Ramiro Romo’s fault, but who’s keeping track. Quite frankly, if I were Adrian Peterson I’d demand a trade RIGHT NOW. He’s not even within 100 yards from the league’s rushing leader so far (Shady McCoy), he’s coming off a 2K-season and an improbable playoff berth. And the Vikings improved… how? Hey, Adrian, how about you come to San Francisco? No? Well, heck.


26.- San Diego Chargers (Last Week: 22)
2013 Record: 1-2 (3rd in AFC West)
Week 3: L at Tennessee, 17-20
Week 4: vs Dallas
Fez: Tough luck. If you missed the game, please watch the highlights and fast forward to Locker’s winning drive. S Michael Gilchrist catches a ball that bounced off Delanie Walker’s brick hands, only to get inadvertedly stripped away from the sure interception when Walker himself collided with the Chargers defender. OTOH, Philip Rivers kicking the ball in the last play of the game? Awesome.

TJ: Once again, when we were watching the early games, and the Chargers game wasn’t on TV, so my dad asked me what was the score of the Chargers game. I checked my phone, and found it: Chargers leading 17-10 with 8 minutes to go in the 4th. Dad left escape a chuckle and said “that’s it. We lostâ€. And promptly, the Chargers blew yet another 4th quarter lead. Now they get the Cowboys at home. Two teams unable to close games. I say either the Cowboys out-collapse them at the end, or Rivers and Ramiro Romo keep throwing interceptions at the end to each other, and the game ends in a tie…and you know what they say about ties…


27.- New York Giants (Last Week: 18)
2013 Record: 0-3 (3rd in NFC East)
Week 3: L at Carolina, 0-38
Week 4: at Kansas City
TJ: I joked in the season preview about Elisha Manning retiring from football and pursuing a musical career with her “Football on your phone†single. At this point, I think Coach Coughlin will encourage her!! What a disaster!! Coughlin is getting too old for this crap, you know…and it’s funny what winning two Super Bowls will make for you. You could have a crapload of interceptions in just 3 games, but nobody will ever even mention it…because you have 2 rings.

Fez: And don’t you ever forget that, in order to get even ONE ring, Eli had to win at least triple as many games as Ramiro Romo has playoffs wins in his whole career. Keep that in perspective, please. The Giants have a tough task coming up next, going to Arrowhead to try to cover Jamaal Charles and the King of Dumpoffs, plus finding a way to dissect the Chiefs defense… and that’s before we go to the headlines of this weekend: Nicks: “I can’t throw it to myself; Cruz: “Everything went wrongâ€. I just wish I could see Coughlin screaming at Hakeem Nicks until his face turned in a shade of red never seen by a human before.


28.- Arizona Cardinals (Last Week: 35)
2013 Record: 1-2 (4th in NFC West)
Week 3: L at New Orleans, 7-31
Week 4: at Tampa Bay
TJ: Not only did they look bad against the Saints, but Rashad Johnson Lost the tip of a finger during the game. How screwed up is that. I mean…how the hell did it happen? Did it just snap? Geez, it’s the most freaky injury I’ve seen in a football field since an eye ball fell in the turf of old Texas Stadium in Any Given Sunday.

Fez: Would rather lose a fingertip like that, instead of twisting my leg like Marcus Lattimore or Napoleon Kauffman. Anyway, we’re glad to announce that, after taking a week off, our “RUN CARSON, RUN!!!†campaign has resumed, and boy, did it come back with a bang! Mr. Carson Palmer was a victim of the New Orleans Saints, getting sacked 4 times and feeling a lot of pressure some other times. All in all, Carson barely completed 50% of his passes, but if you want to include two completions to two different Saints defensive backs, his numbers would look a lot better. Say it with me, people: “RUN CARSON, RUN!!!â€


29.- Oakland Raiders (Last Week: 27)
2013 Record: 1-2 (4th in AFC West)
Week 3: L at Denver, 21-37 (MNF)
Week 4: vs Washington
Fez: So we know the Raiders are not going anywhere this year. We don’t even know whether Dennis Allen is the right coach for this team… so why not make things interesting? At the end of the first half, the Raiders had the ball on midfield. Consider that this was Mile High Stadium and Sebastian Janiboozeky was warming up his leg. That would’ve been a 66, 67 yard FG attempt. I think all NFL fans wanted him to give it a shot, including Tim Tebow’s dad, which is why he punished the Raiders for chickening out. Final play of the half? A sack. Pryor didn’t even have a shot at the endzone. Deservedly so.

TJ: So, as usual on Mondays, I got out from work really late, and I got home just in time to see the Raiders attempt a comeback, down by 23 with 4 minutes to go. So Matt Flynn goes in (from breaking records in Green Bay to playing in garbage time with the Raiders…THE RAIDERS!!! What the hell went wrong!?!), drives the Raiders for a quick score to cut Denver’s lead to 37-20 and I thought “hey!! If they go for two, they’ll cover the 14.5 line!!â€. Thank God I’m not a degenerate gambler like Fez, or I would’ve thrown the controller at the TV as they lined up for the extra point. The Raiders can’t get anything right, can they?


30.- Pittsburgh Steelers (Last Week: 29)
2013 Record: 0-3 (4th in AFC North)
Week 3: L vs Chicago, 40-23 (SNF)
Week 4: at Minnesota (In London)
Fez: Ah, the good old Steelers. Three weeks, three loses, and no signs of improvement. AT the very least I’m glad something smells even worse than the load I’ve dumped all weekend long. Wait, that’s not funny… stomach flu isn’t something to laugh about, come on… It’s not fun to be driving to your sister’s place late Sunday night to try to fix her modem while your friendly neighborhood bowels are having a loud party down there. Anyway, If we had to describe the Steelers season so far, it’d be with this gif:



Shrug.

TJ: Apparently, Americans can’t get over the American Revolution even more than 200 years after it ended. Now, out of spite, they’re sending the 0-3 Steelers to play against the 0-3 Vikings at Wembley Stadium next week. A stadium that has seen his fair share of historical moments, like the World Cup Final in 1966 and countless Champions League finals. Yes, I’m talking about soccer. So sending two bottom feeders to play in such a historical venue seems like the perfect revenge for America. Good job!!

Fez: The 1966 Cup Final was played in the old Wembley, but why let facts get in the way…


31.- Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Last Week: 31)
2013 Record: 0-3 (4th in NFC South)
Week 3: L vs New England, 3-23
Week 4: vs Arizona
TJ: Not making fun at Coach assh….I mean, Schiano this time…with his family medical emergency and all…but you gotta love his “vote of confidence†to Josh Freeman on Monday. I love it every time a Head Coach feels compelled to remind everyone who his starting QB is. Like the position didn’t have enough pressure already. And once he trades Freeman to the Browns for Brian Hoyer, Jordan Cameron and two first round picks, everything will make sense, I guess. I’m babbling now…one team to go…

Fez: Because the NFL cares about players’ safety. Bucs FS Dashon Goldson has a long story of personal fouls (helmet to helmet hits). The league had announced that, after their week 2 game, Goldson would be suspended one game. Later on, they imposed a 100K fine… and that’s fine (pun intended), but Goldson would’ve lost more than twice that amount had he been forced to sit out. One would think the repeat offenders would learn if they get that much cash stripped away… oh well, it’s the NFL.


32.- Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week: 32)
2013 Record: 0-3 (4th in AFC South)
Week 3: L at Seahawks, 17-45
Week 4: vs Indianapolis
Fez: It’s sad at this point. Of course Russell Wilson would eat them alive, alright, but for Tarvaris Jackson (T-JAX, Jaguars, come on!!) to come in and play like the second coming of, well, Russell Wilson? Shame on you, Jacksonville… shame on you. Didn’t that 20-pt spread give you a sense of urgency? Argh.

TJ: Come on. They didn’t have a chance in hell. The AFC went 6-1 this week against the NFC. The only loss? The Jaguars? Word says the AFC will request a new realignment to send the Jaguars to the NFC, their rightful place. Anyway, I’m out of teams, and out of jokes, so I think we’re done. Time to go home, Fezzy…take out that weird bible of yours!!

Fez:
You will not be afraid of the p**p by night,
Or of the skidmark that appears by day;
Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that T-Jax lays on you.
A thousand losses may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your god-given left hand,
But it shall not approach you.…
Thy Tebow Be Blessed.
Psalm 91:6 (91 pounds lost in 6 days if this flu persists)

TJ is a lifelong Cowboys fan living in Central Mexico. He spends his football season weekends cringing at the sight of Ramiro Romo dropping back to pbutt.
Fez is a lifelong 49ers fan enjoying life in a west coast state in Mexico. He’s spent the 2013 49ers season looking for Greg Roman’s wits and Colin Kaepernick’s balls.
Neither gives a crap about any spelling or grammar mistakes, because they don’t have the benefit of having an editor reviewing their work. So there.

 

Not sure about #6 but being 3-0 is nice.

 

Look at them Titans!

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHDwRECFL8M]the Jeffersons intro theme song(Movin on Up) - YouTube[/ame]

Gotta like the fight you have seen from the Titans this year. They better find a way to win vs the Jets this week. They have the Chiefs, Seahawks and 49ers all in a row after that. Locker's always played balls out, I hope he reigns that in some and slides more often. He reminds me of how McNair would run. The biggest problem on offense seems to be Kenny Britt. I think Justin Hunter earned himself at least a 50-50 share of the snaps next week and I hope he steals more. Britt's head is in the clouds so far.

 

I keep forgetting that SRW is a Titans fan (keep thinking he's a Niners fan). Congrats on your Titans winning.

I'm sure you guys will have fun next week with the Chargers Cowboys game, having something embarrassing happen is practically a guarantee.

 

It looks like you'll enjoy my rankings for this week then. :icon_cool:

 

Shared on Facebook...I hate SEATTLE <just saying>

 

Thanks for the Saints love. The next three weeks will tell a lot about this team. Miami, Chicago and the Pats.

 

I couldn't sleep last night, thinking how you'd complain about us putting the Saints only at 5... :icon_cheesygrin: j/k

 

Denver #2? NE #3? Seriously? No. Denver #1 and NE #7. NE hasn't showed me much this year.

I'll have my Week 3 rankings on Thursday.

 

LOL. Sorry to disappoint you. Can't wait for us to be in the top three after the next few weeks. Hopefully that is.

 

It's posted in the NFL General Discussion area.

 

That's why we left their logo as the first/cover pic :icon_cheesygrin:

 

^^^^would look great, BANNED!!!!

 

That's why YOU left it, jerk.

 

Well, you wouldn't wait for me to search a few more pics for the article...you wanted it posted ASAP...whan can I do?

 

Yeah, Fez has a problem about ranking KC above SF. Not even my veto powers can help it. He'll get over it in a few weeks...

 

great stuff, as usual gentlemen. very entertaining. i don't even pay that much attention to where each team is ranked, i just enjoy the comments.