Fez & TJ's NFL Power Rankings. Week 11 Edition.

Discussion in 'NFL Writer's Block' started by TJ, Nov 19, 2013.

  1. TJ

    TJ Dez Caught It


    Fez is upset about yet another miscue by the Zebras. TJ enjoys a long overdue day off. It’s Fez and TJ’s NFL Power Rankings, Week 11 Edition!

    Fez: Hi, readers (all four of you)!!! Welcome to Week 11 of our Power Ran…


    Tony Corrente: Personal foul, unnecessary use of capitals, on Fez. The ball goes back to New Orleans possession, automatic first down!!!

    Fez: **Throws his arms in the air** I give up. TJ, do the honors, please.

    TJ: Hello, and welcome to the Week 11 edition of Fez & TJ’s Power Rankings presented by Gridironfans.com. If your thing is reading whining, crying, lots of excuses, and no accountability for one’s failures whatsoever, this is the column for you, because Fez will make sure we’ll never forget his team lost again thanks to the referees. In fact, I don’t think the 49ers have ever lost a game fair and square. It’s always someone else’s fault. Now, I hate excuses…so I’ll shoot down every single one of the excuses he puts. As for the rest of the teams, the usual stuff. Let’s get this show started, shall we?

    1.- Seattle Seahawks (Last Week: 1)
    2013 Record: 10-1 (1st in NFC West)
    Week 11: W vs Minnesota, 20-41
    Week 12: BYE (to reload on PEDs)

    TJ: Ahh, another shot taken at the Seahawks by Mr. Hater Excuses (his new first name and last name). However, the fact remains: the Seahawks are the class of the NFC, have pretty much clinched the NFC West by default, and will be a very, very tough team to beat in January. Calling names like the coffee addicts, PED users, and all that will only make them stronger. Come on, Fezzy!! Spill the hate!! Let’s see it!!

    Fez: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Isn’t that right? And they ARE proven PED users. So, shut up. Anyway, you can score a first round bye, and probably pump-sounding advantage for them, which sucks for the niners if they are even going there in January. Of course, maybe I should worry about actually getting a playoffs bid first, right? :(

    2.- Denver Broncos (Last Week: 3)
    2013 Record: 9-1 (1st in AFC West)
    Week 11: W vs Kansas City, 17-27 (SNF)
    Week 12: at New England (SNF)

    Fez: I don’t feel very comfortable rankings the Broncos at #1, just because they beat the “consensus†former #1 team. Been telling you all season that Kansas City wasn’t as good as their record, so I’ll stick Denver here. Of course I didn’t watch the game, I was too sleepy, because when I get too much stress, I get sleepy and I don’t even fight it anymore. Yeah, yeah, I was stressed about the niners game, we’ll get there. So, TJ, what do you think about the Broncos scoring twice as many points as the Chiefs were averaging this year?

    TJ: I like to think more about the Chiefs defense holding the Broncos under 30 points, which is an impressive achievement. At least looks like it is for real. As for Alex Smith, well, he is what he is. But hey!! If the Trent Dilfers and Brad Johnsons of the world can have a Super Bowl ring, why not Alex Smith? The hilarity would be awesome. Now I’m totally rooting for them to do it, just to see Fez’s head explode in February. Yeah, the Chiefs defense is good. But is it 2000 Ravens or 2002 Bucs good? Stay tuned!!

    3.- New Orleans Saints (Last Week: 2)
    2013 Record: 8-2 (1st in NFC South)
    Week 11: W vs San Francisco, 20-23
    Week 12: at Atlanta (TNF)

    TJ: Karma works in some mysterious ways. They lost to the Patriots because a holding penalty not being called in the last play. Now they won thanks to a questionable personal foul call, and the Patriots lost thanks to a defensive holding not being called. Order in the universe is restored. Of course, Fez doesn’t care about that. Let’s read another batch of excuses, shall we?

    Fez: BROOKS HIT HIM IN THE CHEST!!! CAN’T YOU FREAKING HIT THESE PRIMA DONNAS ANYMORE?!?! **counts to 10** Alright, alright… I’m calm… really. If the Universe really wants to be restored, we’ll beat the cheathawks at their place, in the playoffs, thanks to a botched call on a Russell Wilson non-fumble. That’s the only way, I’m not taking anything less. And if that doesn’t happen, screw you, Universe… hope you get swallowed by a black hole the size of the Jerome Boger defensive holding non-call in the SB.

    4.- Carolina Panthers (Last Week: 8)
    2013 Record: 7-3 (2nd in NFC South)
    Week 11: W vs New England, 20-24
    Week 12: at Miami

    TJ: Well, apparently they’re for real!! That was an exciting game to watch on Monday night, and thanks to a well deserved day off from work, I was able to watch it in its entirety. Maybe, just maybe, my bust detector failed on Cam Newton, he might be a very good starter for years to come. Now I can’t wait for that Panthers-Saints game that will pretty much decide the NFC South. A division I thought was already decided a couple of weeks ago. The lesson here is…well, I’m an idiot.

    Fez: Another transvestite non-call. I’m sorry, how is that not a defensive holding on Rob Gronkowski at the end of the game? Sigh, oh well. As I was telling TJ on Monday Night, Cam is playing the way Colin Kaepernick SHOULD be playing: determined, non-hesitant football. Make the throws without worrying about them getting intercepted. If you’re taking off, DO IT! Good showing, Panthers. Although that non-call lingers around.

    5.- Kansas City Chiefs (Last Week: 4)
    2013 Record: 9-1 (2nd in AFC West)
    Week 11: L at Denver, 17-27 (SNF)
    Week 12: vs San Diego

    Fez: Ladies and Gentlemen, Chiefs fans, the real Alex Smith era has just begun! No, really. I’m aware that the 49ers’ guy isn’t performing any better. I’m aware that the Chiefs could conceivably win a SB despite their subpar QB and TJ would never let me hear the end of it. I’m still taking my chances. Hey, why do you think NFL.com ran this headline: “not good enough†with a dejected Alex Smith looking at the ground, which mind you, is a sight us niner fans are very, very familiar with? Sorry to say it. It’s true.

    TJ: Yeah, I’m sure you’re familiar with it, since your current QB doesn’t seem to be good enough either (more on that later). But still, chances are good for them. Unless an epic collapse happens from here out, their worst case scenario is a #5 seed, and a trip to Cincy or Indy in the first round, where anything can happen. From there, who knows? If Joe Flacco could catch fire for a month last year, why not Smith? They have the defense, they have the coaching, all they need is a few things to fall into place. Yes, I’m totally rooting for the Chiefs now. Out of curiosity to see what happens if they pull it off.

    6.- Indianapolis Colts (Last Week: 7)
    2013 Record: 7-3 (1st in AFC South)
    Week 11: W at Tennessee, 30-27 (TNF)
    Week 12: at Arizona

    Fez: Gotta love the league’s parity. Colts win vs the Broncos convincingly, then they barely hold off the Titans. I don’t know what to make of Indy without Reggie Wayne, though. I fear that if I start saying they’ll be one and done in the playoffs, they’ll start a 2012 Ravens-like playoffs run and make me look like an idiot, as if I needed any more help! Side note: has anyone checked out the authenticity of Trent Richardson’s birth certificate? I can’t believe he’s 22, he runs like a freaking old man.

    TJ: Well, I’ll try my luck once again, and declare the AFC South finished for this season. I mean, who will catch up with the Colts? Certainly not the Texans or Jaguars, and the Titans had a golden chance last Thursday and they blew it, so what gives? Now let’s see if they can catch up with the Patriots, or settle for a 3 seed. Of course, since I’m an idiot, we should totally expect them now to collapse and the Titans to make a run.

    7.- Cincinnati Bengals (Last Week: 12)
    2013 Record: 7-4 (1st in AFC North)
    Week 11: W vs Cleveland, 20-41
    Week 12: BYE

    Fez: While the rest of the AFC North is in a dogfight to determine who sucks the least, the Bengals are running away with the division. Two and a half games above the rest, with a nice bye week to recharge batteries for the final stretch of the season. Although I’m still scratching my head: how the hell does Andy Dalton finishes with less than 100 net passing yards, and still gets 3 TD passes? Those damn gingers. On a lighter note, with one catch for two yards and a score, The Mediocre Tight End (a.k.a. the real Alex Smith) was more successful than his namesake this week. Ouch.

    TJ: It’s amazing that it’s been two and a half seasons and we still aren’t sure what Dalton is…besides a ginger, of course. Is he a game manager? Is he a gunslinger? He can throw for 5 TDs one week, 5 picks the following week, and even barely crack 100 yards, and still throw lots of TDs. Of course, while we decide, A.J. Green’s fantasy owners suffer. Sometimes he gives me more than 10 points, sometimes he doesn’t even give me one fantasy point. It’s uncanny!! Anyway, the division is theirs to lose. I won’t make a prediction this time, since I honestly have no idea what will happen here.

    8.- New England Patriots (Last Week: 5)
    2013 Record: 7-3 (1st in AFC East)
    Week 11: L at Carolina, 20-24
    Week 12: vs Denver (SNF)

    Fez: I find it funny how Uggy boy stated that he did not see the play where Gronk was held, yet he was screaming at the stupid zebras. At first I thought it was the right call, because I didn’t believe DPI was a possibility: Gronk would’ve never been able to come back for the ball. But, what if they called defensive holding? Now that would be a more appropriate call. Oh well. Tough break for them, as they lost ground to grab that #2 seed in the AFC. I feel your pain, Pats. I really do.

    TJ: The best part was watching a really pissed off Bill Bellichick in the postgame press conference. Which is scary, you don’t want to face a pissed off Patriots team. Now I’m concerned about the Broncos. Anyway, it’s time for yet another Manning – Brady bowl, and the hype machine will be running in all cylinders during the week. How amazing it is that we still look forward for a showdown between two QBs in their late 30s.

    9.- Chicago Bears (Last Week: 9)
    2013 Record: 6-4 (2nd in NFC North)
    Week 11: W vs Baltimore, 20-23 (OT)
    Week 12: at St. Louis

    TJ: No Jay Cutler In His Contract Year? No problem!! Apparently, McCown has grown to be a competent starter after all!! (Don’t ask me for his first name. I honestly have no idea which one he is). Thanks to the Lions laying an egg in Pittsburgh, they remain in the hunt for the NFC North, which should be a fun race, considering the Lions don’t seem to learn how to close games!!

    Fez: Josh McCown, former Arizona Cardinals starting QB. Do you even follow the league at all, or do you just tune in every Sunday for the Romocoaster? Da Bears got a huge win here, considering the opponent, the circumstances and the fact that the Lions laid an egg against a losing team. Of course, with McCown playing relatively well, the Bears will have a tough decision to make with Smokin’ Jay. If he only was under contract one more year, they could trade him to the Chiefs for another 2 second round picks.

    10.- Detroit Lions (Last Week: 6)
    2013 Record: 6-4 (1st in NFC North)
    Week 11: L at Pittsburgh, 27-37
    Week 12: vs Tampa Bay

    TJ: Just when you’re ready to crown them and include them in the class of the NFC, they go to Pittsburgh and do…well, this!! During the first half, they were clicking on all cylinders; Stafford and Megatron had one game worth of stats by half time, and looked like we were on for a Steelers total annihilation. But the Steelers adjusted, and that was that. Reminds me of certain national soccer teams that never, ever, EVER got out of their main scheme, and now are suffering just to make it to the World Cup…you know what? I don’t want to talk about it.

    Fez: The same soccer team that will get its world cup bid after Tuesday morning? Well, yeah… it sucks to be rooting for those guys, too. Oh well. The Lions, oh Detroit, what the hell are you doing? And please for the love of god, don’t tell me you’re also going to lose against a suddenly hot Bucs team. If you do that, please forfeit the rest of the season and hand the division title to Chicago.

    11.- Philadelphia Eagles (Last Week: 16)
    2013 Record: 6-5 (1st in NFC East)
    Week 11: W vs Washington, 16-24
    Week 12: BYE

    TJ: I think it’s funny how Fez considers the Chiefs schedule and penalizes them for not beating a real team, yet he overlooks the Eagles schedule and gives them a 5-place jump after barely beating a 3-7 team. Is it a double standard? Is he biased because he hates Alex Smith and is in love with Nick Foles? Whatever it is, I won’t just let it slip. Seriously, look it up. The only decent team they have beaten is the Aaron Rodgers-less Packers. Let’s see how Mr. Hater defends this one.

    Fez: Here’s the diference.

    Wait for it…

    Wait for it…

    Wait for it…

    Just a little more…



    What, you were expecting something else? It’s as if you don’t know me after all these years, buddy. Let’s move on before I point out the flaws in your whining.

    12.- San Francisco 49ers (Last Week: 11)
    2013 Record: 6-4 (2nd in NFC West)
    Week 11: L at New Orleans, 20-23
    Week 12: at Washington (MNF)

    TJ: So much has been said about the 49ers, and Kaepernick not being able to reproduce his fantastic 2012 numbers, but I found the stat that proves once and for all that he’s a one-year wonder: The 49ers only had 23 total yards and no first downs in the fourth quarter (thanks, TMQ). And yet, Niners fans and Kaepersexuals all over the world choose to blame the refs for their loss. Get the heck out of here, will you? I don’t care whose fault it is…Kaepernick, Harbaugh, the playcalling, the roof in the Superdome, whatever. 23 yards in the last quarter of a game decided by 3 points is not going to cut it. So much for the preseason champions. Who was calling for the season to be forfeit and, and just deliver the Lombardi to San Francisco? Geez, I can’t remember!! Fez?

    Fez: So much has been said about how the niners made the wrong choice in keeping their starting QB. Are you kidding me? Have you seen the numbers? Kap at his absolute worst is matching one of Alex’s best seasons so far, yet because their team records, Kap is getting absolutely trashed and Trent Dilfer 2.0 gets rave reviews for the Chiefs’ impressive 9-1. Hell, Alex has a WORSE QB rating than Kaepernick. And yet, because people hate what is perceived as showboating (kissing his tattoos, which is not showboating, but whatever), Kap gets hell. Whatever. He’s been struggling, I’ve acknowledged that. I could point out all the excuses in the world that were used for Alex Smith too: his receivers blow, the line may not be as good as everyone believed, whatever… Kap should be held accountable for his hesitance. But he will fight back. Trust me. Moving on.

    13.- Arizona Cardinals (Last Week: 14)
    2013 Record: 6-4 (3rd in NFC West)
    Week 11: W at Jacksonville, 27-14
    Week 12: vs Indianapolis

    TJ: Well, well, well…look who decided to show up a little late to the NFC West party. The Cardinals have tied the 49ers (at least in wins and losses, Fez will make sure you don’t forget about the tie-breaker criteria), and suddenly raised their hands to take part of the NFC Wild Card fight. I don’t know about you, guys, but since they played the Jaguars, I decided to give the RUN, CARSON, RUN!! campaign a little rest, especially since he looked like his 2005 self. If only every team could face the Jaguars every week…

    Fez: A rest? Come on, he got sacked thrice!!! It’s the great thing about our “RUN CARSON, RUN!!!†campaing: Carson’s so inconsistent, and the Cardinals line is so bad, they can never take a week off, even against the lowly Jaguars, who BTW, have a somewhat respectable defense. And beware, Robert Mathis is awaiting. RUN CARSON, RUN!!!

    14.- Green Bay Packers (Last Week: 10)
    2013 Record: 5-5 (3rd in NFC North)
    Week 11: L at New York Giants, 13-27
    Week 12: vs Minnesota

    TJ: It just sucks for everyone that Aaron Rodgers got injured. It especially sucks for Packers fans (obviously) but also for Cowboys fans. Thanks to that injury, the Eagles could take on a limited Packers offense and beat them a couple of weeks ago, giving them first place in the NFC Least. On the other hand, the Cowboys will also face the Packers in week 15, and by then Rodgers might be back, and we’ll probably (definitely) lose that game. How is it fair? And it’s a rhetorical question, don’t bother answering it…

    Fez: Blah blah blah excuses blah excuses blah blah blah blah blah blah excuses blah blah blah blah excuses blah blah blah blah excuses blah blah blah excuses blah blah excuses blah blah blah excuses blah blah excuses blah blah blah excuses blah blah blah excuses blah blah excuses blah blah excuses blah blah excuses blah. I have to pose the question, how does Green Bay end up with Scott Tolzien as their starting QB? Jesus Christ, he couldn’t even make the 49ers roster as the third guy! And how do they not give someone like Vince Young or… **gasp** no, nevermind… I don’t want to call his name.

    15.- Dallas Cowboys (Last Week: 15)
    2013 Record: 5-5 (2nd in NFC East)
    Week 11: BYE
    Week 12: at New York Giants

    TJ: Wow. This is awkward. For the first time in my life, I have nothing to say about the Cowboys. I mean, what else can I say? We have covered it all. I’m ready to write my annual Cowboys eulogy if they lose o the Giants next week. I can’t do it now, I mean, they’re only half a game behind. But yeah, us Cowboys fans know better. The same problems we had 3 or 4 years ago are still there. There’s a reason why this team is an exact 127-127 since 1997.

    Fez: Looking forward to your eulogy! I can’t wait to read you bashing Jerry Pls, The Ginger Wonder, Ramiro and all the other dysfunctional parts of that franchise. Just to see it’s worthless because Jerry Pls still believes he’s a football genius and will hold the power in the organization, surrounded by Yes Men. Is there any way we can extend Jerry Pls’ lifespan for another 30 years?

    16.- New York Giants (Last Week: 21)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (3rd in NFC East)
    Week 11: W vs Green Bay, 13-27
    Week 12: vs Dallas

    TJ: Oh, my God here come the Giants again!! They’re like the serial killer in horror movies that you leave for dead half-way through the movie, just to have him appear out of nowhere during the climax to start a killing spree. And the best part is that nobody is even remotely surprised!! They do this every year, only this season they took it to a whole new level and will try to become the first 0-6 team to make the playoffs. Well…better them than the Eagles, right?

    Fez: I thought the serial killer analogy fit Br… Br… ah, no, sorry… He who shalt not be named. The Giants’ fortune is that they can pull off this kind of bullcrap by playing in the NFC Least; if they did that somewhere else, their hopes would be long gone. And please correct me if I’m wrong, but did I really see Tom Coughling actually… smiling??? Do his face muscles even allow him to do that? Surprises all around.

    17.- New York Jets (Last Week: 13)
    2013 Record: 5-5 (2nd in AFC East)
    Week 11: L at Buffalo, 14-37
    Week 12: at Baltimore

    Fez: Talk about bipolarity! Do you think The Foot Licker is banging his head on a wall after realizing that they could’ve moved within one game of the Patriots, but instead they got erased off the map by the freaking Bills? Just, wow. How does Geno Smith look like an unpolished, promising QB, and like the second coming of Mark Sanchez the next? Sigh. Oh, and it gets better. Rexy is letting the small sample get to his head and giving Matt Simms more reps in practice. Right, that’s what your second round rookie QB needs, losing practice reps to a 2nd year undrafted FA after ten starts. Freaking brilliant, Rex.

    TJ: They’re the first team in history to alternate wins and losses for the first 10 weeks of a season. That’s one stat that I found incredible. But yeah, the same team that beat the Patriots and Saints goes ahead and losses to the Bills. You figure it out. As for Rex Ryan, maybe he misses the comedy from last year when everybody expected him to start The Tebow, only to go the opposite way and deactivate him completely. Now that he must stick with Geno and his learning curve, he goes ahead and does this. I don’t understand you, Rex Ryan.

    18.- St. Louis Rams (Last Week: 20)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (4th in NFC West)
    Week 11: BYE
    Week 12: vs Chicago

    TJ: We almost made it 18 teams without a Fantasy Football complain from me, but It’s time. Well, not a complain but a rant. I focused too much on my first league (the one I played with Fez) that I totally forgot about my second league (the one where I’m 1-9), and left Tavon Austin in my starting line-up. I know!! I know!! Everybody hates quitters, but I swear I’m not one!! I just forgot!! Now I’m taking crap from everyone in that league because even with that bye player in my line up I managed to lose only by 3 points to the league leader. Had I started Dwayne Bowe instead of Austin I would’ve pulled the ultimate upset, and those guys won’t let me forget about it. Yet another reason why I hate fantasy football.

    Fez: Quitter. Why am I not surprised? By the way, so much focusing on your first league and you still can’t sniff the playoffs spots… 7th out of 10 teams? Shame on you, TJ. At least I’ve had the decency to compete with the crappy autodraft roster I was awarded. Two games and a gazillion points below the 3rd place, but I’m 4th, muthaheckah! Maybe you should’ve focused on the league(s) where you actually selected your own players.

    19.- Baltimore Ravens (Last Week: 19)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (3rd in AFC North)
    Week 11: L at Chicago, 20-23 (OT)
    Week 12: vs New York Jets

    Fez: Look who’s back! Hello, Ray Rice! Personally I didn’t draft you in any of my fantasy leagues, but I’m sure a lot of owners are relieved to see a pulse from you! You know what’s better for Baltimore? The #6 seed in the AFC is WWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE OPEN!!! No, really… take a look. Say we have our divisional champions now: Denver, New England, Indy, Cincy. Say the Chiefs’ Defense is all but guaranteed that #5 spot. Now look at the rest of the conference, for god’s sake. From #6 (the Jets) to #13 (the Chargers), there only is a 1-game difference. That is 8 teams fighting for one playoffs ticket, 9 if you really want to include the Bills, 1.5 games back from the Jets. Insane!

    TJ: What a clusterheck!! 8 teams fighting for a chance to travel to Cincy to face Marvin Lewis And His Playoff Record (new full name) and the Bengals. I would be psyched too!! As for the Ravens, that’s 3 games this year that end up being postponed due to weather or blackouts, including the Super Bowl. Maybe the Football Gods are pissed at us for calling Joe Flacco elite, I don’t know…

    20.- Pittsburgh Steelers (Last Week: 24)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (2nd in AFC North)
    Week 11: W vs Detroit, 27-37
    Week 12: at Cleveland

    Fez: Pretty nice way to rebound from a 27-pt second quarter. Other than that, meh. Allow me a tangent: as I was surfing through my facebook newsfeed, I came across this gem: [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kV4-ziw4pU]A Harlem Globetrotter broke the Guinness record for longest basketball shot made.[/ame] 109 feet and 9 inches… wow. You know who could break that one? Alex Smith, that’s who. You know, if he was allowed to throw the ball to another basket 15 feet away to get closer, then move that same basket another 15 feet closer to the final one, then another, and another…

    TJ: Did you imagine the Steelers would be traveling to Cleveland in week 12 to face the Browns with their playoffs life on the line? In a million years? It’s been a weird season in the AFC North to say the least, but a meaningful Steelers-Browns game just takes the cake!! And it gets better when Fez uses the Steelers part to take yet another shot at Alex Smith that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand…

    21.- Miami Dolphins (Last Week: 23)
    2013 Record: 5-5 (3rd in AFC East)
    Week 11: W vs San Diego, 16-20
    Week 12: vs Carolina

    Fez: Kudos to the Bullyphins for not letting the whole fiasco take a giant toll on them. Sure, they lost to the freaking Bucs last week, but rebounding against San Diego? Good for them. That still doesn’t mean they should be considered great contenders: the running game still sucks (you can’t guess which one of Miller or Thomas will have a better day, and by “betterâ€, I mean “between 50 and 65 rushing yardsâ€), and their run defense, well… (really, Ryan Mathews averaging nearly 7 ypc?).

    TJ: Well, the Dolphins fans in our Brain Trust were awkwardly silent this week. Hopefully, they’ll be back next week when the Panthers beat the crap out of them at home. Anyway, after the Chiefs finally lost last Sunday night, it was time for the 1972 Dolphins to celebrate and open their bottle of champagne. Too bad they had been in bed for like 3 hours before it happened, but hey!! Maybe they had champagne for breakfast, right?

    22.- San Diego Chargers (Last Week: 17)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (4th in AFC West)
    Week 11: L at Miami, 16-20
    Week 12: at Kansas City

    Fez: Like I mentioned before, San Diego is #13 in the conference standings, yet they stand a chance to sneak into the playoffs thanks to a really mediocre middle of the pack AFC. Reminds me of my dynasty league, where I’m riding a 6-5 record, yet I’m dead last in a 7-team division. The saddest part is that I only needed one more tackle from DE Michael Johnson in week 2, and I’d be 7-4 and 2nd place thanks to the tie-breakers. Let this be your weekly reminder about how fantasy football can be frustrating sometimes.

    TJ: I keep telling you, Fantasy Football is EVIL. Poor Chargers couldn’t take advantage of a distracted Dolphins team, and now find themselves in a dog fight for the sixth seed in the AFC. Hopefully, both the Chiefs and Broncos will put them out of their misery soon, but hey!! At least they’re improved, right?

    23.- Cleveland Browns (Last Week: 18)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (4th in AFC North)
    Week 11: L at Cincinnati, 20-41
    Week 12: vs Pittsburgh

    Fez: Yeah no, Jason Campbell. You’re not the future in Cleveland, either. It got me thinking, since the Browns came back to town in 1999, they’ve had their share of starting QBs (no need to bring up the famous Browns jersey that started out as a #2 Tim Couch one, and the names of his successors were added one by one). I did some research, and out of all those scrubs, there are some QB jersey numbers (1-19) that haven’t been worn yet… Let’s see:

    1.- No.
    2.- Couch.
    3.- Anderson, Weeden.
    4.- No.
    5.- Garcia.
    6.- Wallace, Hoyer.
    7.- Gradkoswki.
    8.- Dilfer.
    9.- Frye, Lewis.
    10.- Holcomb, Quinn.
    11.- Dorsey, Detmer.
    12.- McCown, McCoy.
    13.- Wynn.
    14.- Retired (Otto Graham).
    15.- No.
    16.- No.
    17.- Delhomme, Campbell.
    18.- Pederson.
    19.- No.

    [ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Cleveland_Browns_starting_quarterbacks"]List of Cleveland Browns starting quarterbacks - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia[/ame] So I came up with the theory that maybe there is some magical number that hasn’t been worn by anyone starting for them, yet. Know where this is going? If I’m the Browns, and say all the top college QB prospects keep their jersey numbers when they go pro, there is no way I’m touching Tajh Boyd (10), Johnny Manziel (2) or even Teddy Bridgewater (5). DEREK CARR (4) TO BE THE BROWNS SAVIOR!!! We can build on this!!! Don’t tell me there isn’t any logic to this, TJ!!!

    TJ: Wait, 4 is still available? You’re not suggesting for them to call certain Legend who lives in the woods in Wisconsin and just turned down the Rams, right? RIGHT?!?! Let’s not go there, please. Anyway, all the Browns have to do to keep their chances alive is to beat the Steelers at home next week, which would’ve sound ridiculous a couple of years ago, but am I crazy or this year it sounds totally reasonable?

    24.- Buffalo Bills (Last Week: 25)
    2013 Record: 4-7 (4th in AFC East)
    Week 11: W vs New York Jets, 14-37
    Week 12: BYE

    Fez: Remember when former DT Dana Stubblefield spoke the famous quote “same old sorry butt Ramsâ€? Now Jets OG did the exact opposite. “We just lost to the freaking Buffalo Billsâ€. I’m not sure if that’s more an insult to the Jets or the Bills. By the way, what’s up with the Buffalo coaches? If I have a shortage of WRs, and I have a tremendous RB who may not be tough between the tackles, but is a nightmare in open space, what should I do? Oh, I know, give him 13 carries and only 2 passes thrown his way. I swear to god…

    TJ: Yeah, it’s kind of sad. They seem to have the weapons, but just can’t figure out how to use them!! It’s like the Jason Garrett school of thought: “I have the second most dominant Wide Receiver in the league, who is crazy about getting the ball as much as possible…let’s call draws and short passes to the tight endsâ€. I know Football is not exactly an easy sport, but sometimes common sense beats any complicated gameplan or scheme you can come up with.

    25.- Tennessee Titans (Last Week: 22)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (2nd in AFC South)
    Week 11: L vs Indianapolis, 30-27 (TNF)
    Week 12: at Oakland

    Fez: Tough pill to swallow. The thing is, Ryan Fitzpatrick wasn’t even playing that bad, but the Titans surrendered in the second half. What about that Ayers flag near the end of the game? Stupid. By the way, shout out to TE Delanie Walker for not acting like a soccer player after being headbutted without his helmet on. I know I would be rolling on the floor, screaming like I had just been burned at a stake or something.

    TJ: Yeah, that’s because you’re a cat. I was so excited when Chris Johnson had 2 long TDs in the first quarter last Thursday, just to see him disappear the rest of the game. Now they sit three games behind the Colts for the division, with six to go. Should we stick a fork on them now, or wait until they blow yet another winnable game at Oakland to do it? It’s your call.

    26.- Oakland Raiders (Last Week: 29)
    2013 Record: 4-6 (4th in AFC West)
    Week 11: W at Houston, 28-23
    Week 12: vs Tennessee

    Fez: What a tragedy. Former Raiders LB Thomas Howard was killed in a car accident after losing control of his BMW. I mean, the tragedy is that his irresponsibility led to the death of a 64-year old man driving a Honda CR-V, which was hit by Howard’s car after being catapulted by a semi-truck. Look, I know the NFL is a tough business for fringe players. We see pro football players as being in paradise, living lives of leisure and whatnot, but the reality is that, while the league’s minimum wage still is better than most people’s yearly income, a lot of these guys come to the league unprepared to handle money, fame, success or failure. Most of them are basically high-schoolers in mind because they never bothered to develop a strong psyche and maturity. Why would they, if they got babied their whole college football career? Why would they, if they thought they were invincible because people know their names and cheer them on? I’m not surprised this happened, but I do feel sorry for the poor old man who got in the way of Howard’s flying car. You can’t help but wonder, what if he was your father, uncle, grandfather? Screw you, Howard.

    TJ: Well, it always sucks when stuff like that happens. And I totally agree with you on that one, and don’t have anything to add. As for the Raiders, I think it’s crazy that they remain in the playoff hunt with that record. The AFC is absolutely crazy this year. Of course, for them to make it, a lot of things must happen at once, and I just don’t see it.

    27.- Minnesota Vikings (Last Week: 26)
    2013 Record: 2-8 (4th in in NFC North)
    Week 11: L at Seattle, 20-41
    Week 12: at Green Bay

    TJ: And now Adrian Peterson has a groin injury, which he claims shouldn’t slow him down. That would be expected, since a freakin’ torn ACL didn’t slow him down last year either. It’s really sad to watch this team this bad and this low, but serves them right. How do they not give Matt Cassel another chance? I mean, the offense looked way better with him at the helm!! Is Leslie Frazier even alive? Does he have a functioning brain? Man, what a disgrace…

    Fez: Hey, Vikings? I know Matt Cassel was run out of Kansas City, that he’s by all accounts a fraud, but guess what? He gave you the best performance by a QB this season in a win over Pittsburgh. Just saying! At this point I don’t think it matters, though… 8 losses already, and I don’t see the improvement in playing Cassel, Ponder or Freeman. Has any team in the history of the game had a 3-way QB controversy? If they say that if you have 2 QBs, you have none, what’s the problem in having 3 QBs?

    28.- Washington Redskins (Last Week: 27)
    2013 Record: 3-7 (4th in NFC East)
    Week 11: L at Philadelphia, 16-24
    Week 12: vs San Francisco (MNF)

    TJ: I don’t know what to want from this 49ers – Redskins match-up. On one hand, I want the 49ers to lose as much as possible, so Fez can rant, and whine, and look for somebody to blame, on the other hand, I want the Redskins as far away from the Cowboys as possible for this stretch run. I mean, I don’t want to shave my head, you know? I look ridiculous with a shaved head. Maybe a tie. Yeah!! A tie!! It’s a win-win for everybody!! The Redskins remain behind us, the 49ers get further away from a playoff spot, and it will confuse the hell out of Donovan McNabb. Let’s have a tie, guys!! You can do it!!

    Fez: TJ pls. A tie? That is never happening. Now, my nightmare would be to have an early injury happen to RG-Knee, then watching Kirk Cousins beat the living crap out of us. I don’t even want to think about it. It sucks that the Wetback Black qu**rs face the niners this season: on one hand, I want my team to win out, but OTOH, it’d be extremely funny to see TJs bald pictures. Something’s gotta give.

    29.- Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Last Week: 31)
    2013 Record: 2-8 (3rd in NFC South)
    Week 11: W vs Atlanta, 28-41
    Week 12: at Detroit

    TJ: Too little, too late, right? I mean, sure they looked impressive beating the hapless Falcons like that, but that’s not enough to save Coach Butthole’s job, right? I mean, it shouldn’t!! The Bucs are still a mes!! Only they faced a messier team in their road to total futility. Hopefully, Stafford and Megatron will remind us that they suck next week. It’s only fitting.

    Fez: Greg Schibutthole has come to save the Buccaneers. Remember that the Tampa Bay franchise was in disarray before Greg Schibutthole came to town. Tampa Bay needs Greg Schibutthole. Tampa Bay should adore Greg Schibutthole. Enough, already… fire his butt.

    30.- Houston Texans (Last Week: 28)
    2013 Record: 2-8 (3rd in AFC South)
    Week 11: L vs Oakland, 28-23
    Week 12: vs Jacksonville

    Fez: It’s over, Matt Schaub. You know it’s over when you’re forced to use a silent count at home games, because the crowd is booing your relentlessly. You know it’s over when your long-time #1 weapon is barking at you and walks out before the game ends. As for possible destinations? I heard the Chiefs need an upgrade…

    TJ: Now Schaub is an upgrade over Alex Smith? Please explain that. Anyway, yeah, it’s over. Time to hit the rebuild button again. Do it around Casemiro. Get rid of Schaub, trade Andre Johnson while you still can get something in return, get a new coach…all that stuff. Of course, I’m being sarcastic because you get the feeling that the weapons are in place, and the division is not that hard, so what gives? It’s confusing, they shouldn’t be this low, but they are…

    31.- Atlanta Falcons (Last Week: 30)
    2013 Record: 2-8 (4th in NFC South)
    Week 11: L at Tampa Bay, 28-41
    Week 12: vs New Orleans (TNF)

    TJ: Man, it got ugly fast!! The once powerful and proud falcons are outside of the top 30 in our Power Rankings for the first time since Mike Vick was in jail and Bobby Petrino quit with a letter in the locker room!! It makes you wonder…things happen so fast in the NFL, sometimes you’re at the top of the world, sometimes you’re at the bottom of the ranks. Unless you’re the Cowboys. They have been a .500 team for as far as I can remember.

    Fez: You mean the fraudulent Falcons who had no business winning the NFC #1 seed last season? Oh yeah. Those guys. Their defense was always suspect, and they did very little to improve it, we’ve said that before. You can bet that Mike Smith’s seat is hot as hell, and to be honest with you, I’d fire him at the end of this season. Shame that Ramiro Ice already got that giant contract so they are stuck with him for a few years.

    [​IMG] [​IMG]
    T-32.- Jerome Boger and Tony Corrente (Last Week: NR)
    2013 Record: 2-0 (Cost the Niners the SB and a win at New Orleans)

    Fez: Getting really tired of your crap, zebras. Bring back the scabs! At least they never pretended they were good!


    Tony Corrente: Personal foul, cursing at an official, on Fez. Fifteen yard penalty and some cash lost on a bet, the ball goes back to New Orleans possession again, automatic first down!!!

    Fez: GOD DAMNIT!!!

    TJ: Sigh. I’ve always thought that blaming others for your shortcomings is the ultimate sign that you’re a loser. Nevermind the fact that the 49ers dug themselves in a 28-6 hole in the Super Bowl, or only managed to get 23 yards of offense in the 4th quarter against the Saints, of course it’s the refs fault. It always is. Man, what a disgrace.

    T-32.- Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week: 32)
    2013 Record: 1-9 (4th in AFC South)
    Week 11: L vs Arizona, 27-14
    Week 12: at Houston

    Fez: Remember when Maurice Jones-Drew was holding out in hopes to get more money out of the Jaguars? Those were the days. Now he looks broken in body and spirit, which sucks, because he’s still 28 years old… like me… who is broken in body and spirit… wait, what was I saying? Let me collect my thoughts. TJ, what do you have to say about the Jaguars?

    TJ: Nothing. I’ve run out of jokes. I’ve run out of clever things to say about them. There’s not much to add, really. They’re the Astros of the NFL. You know, without the promising farm system and the front office that swears to God they know what they’re doing. That’s it for me this week, I’ll leave you with reverend Fez and his weird bible. Reverend?

    The Fez, standing by himself, prayed thus:
    ‘Tebow My Lord, I thank you that I am not like other men,
    extortioners, unjust, adulterers, cowboys fans,
    or even like this NFL referee!
    I fast twice a week; I pay my bets.’
    But the NFL referee, standing far off,
    would not even lift up his eyes to heaven,
    but threw his flag, saying, ‘personal foul, roughing the passer, San Francisco!’
    Luke 18:11-13 (The number of blown calls by refs every week, I suppose!)

    Virgin Timmy Full of Grace, pray for them!

    Cover pic credit: Bleacher Report web page

    TJ is a lifelong Cowboys fan living in Central Mexico. He spends his football season weekends cringing at the sight of Ramiro Romo dropping back to pbutt.
    Fez is a lifelong 49ers fan enjoying life in a west coast state in Mexico. He spends his football season weekends screaming at the incompetence of the NFL referees.
    Neither gives a crap about any spelling or grammar mistakes, because they don’t have the benefit of having an editor reviewing their work. So there.

    ICECOLD 1st Stringer

    The Giants serial killer analogy is pure as gold!!! Just one of many topics I laughed my butt off to
  3. bossco

    bossco Rookie

    As a 9ers fan I can honestly say thee 9ers o lost the game not the refs. Rule 1 in any sport never allow the refs to decide the outcome of your game.

    Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk
  4. Faceless

    Faceless Are you ready for some football?

    Another frustated 49ers fan here.
    This combination of poor offensive playcalling + poor performance CK has brought us to the point where we risk losing games due to weird penalties called by the refs. Shame on us.
    On a different matter, I have to agree with TJ's complain on Fez's assessment on Philly. Plainly overrated.
    Let's see how things turn.
  5. TJ

    TJ Dez Caught It

    [MENTION=634]Faceless[/MENTION] hey, bro!! Glad to see you around!! :icon_cheesygrin:
  6. Faceless

    Faceless Are you ready for some football?

    Yeah [MENTION=548]TJ[/MENTION], Thanks!
    I decided to jump back into the whole GridIron arena just in time for playoffs spots definition. I joined back in 2006 and never really participated. I intend to change that.
    So, back to the PRs, what's your guess on Dallas @ NY Giants for W12? And how would you guess this outcome affect next week's PR positions for them?
  7. CaptainStubing

    CaptainStubing Gave her a Dirty Sanchez

    Entertaining as usual. And youre starting to do better on the actual rankings.
  8. TJ

    TJ Dez Caught It

    One word...

  9. TJ

    TJ Dez Caught It

    Guys, just an FYI...there won't be Power Rankings articles for the next few weeks due to some family issues of one of the writers. Hopefully, we'll be back soon...somewhere...I guess...
  10. DawkinsINT

    DawkinsINT Tebow free since 9/5/2015.

    I hope everything is ok. Always an entertaining read.
  11. Steve12

    Steve12 The night is dark and full of terrors

    Take care of the important things guys. I always like reading these so I'll miss it.
  12. 86WARD

    86WARD -

    [MENTION=548]TJ[/MENTION], [MENTION=547]Fez[/MENTION] I can step in and help out if you want...just let me know what I have to do and I can guest spot a week or two. Maybe another member can guest host as well.

    Freaking Regis and Kelly don't go off air while on break...

    Hope all is well!!