The Cleveland Clowns SUCK Thread

Walnuts · Nov 23, 2013

TheSnowman said: ↑

For the record, that crap is an abomination and should not be taken to represent the state of Ohio
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Whoa I'm psychic.

Walnuts · Nov 23, 2013

Chili is clearly extremely easy for some people to mess up. Making it too watery, with hamburger, putting cinnamon in it, putting it on noodles and covering it in cheddar cheese and MILD HOT SAUCE...any one of those is a cardinal sin, mess-up is an understatement. That crap is an abomination.

Steve12 · Nov 23, 2013

Hamburger in chili is wrong?

Walnuts · Nov 25, 2013

YES IT IS

Walnuts · Nov 25, 2013

If youre a slovenly midwesterner who supports orange teams.

Walnuts · Nov 25, 2013

You're a midwesterner.

Steve12 · Nov 25, 2013

So what goes in chili besides hamburger?

Walnuts · Nov 25, 2013

Babies!

Walnuts · Nov 26, 2013

WHERE IN CALIFORNIA DO YOU LIVE

Walnuts · Nov 26, 2013

Mr. D said: ↑

Well I stand corrected on some of those points too watery and who adds cinnamon to it, topping it with cheese isn't bad cheese goes well with it

Never had it on noodles before but that don't look to bad but not sure of it that way
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I ran across this totally randomly today. Total coincidence, but it summarizes it perfectly. Also note it came in FIFTY SECOND, aka DEAD LAST among regional American food.

Ohio

52. Cincinnati chili (Ohio)

The Great American Menu: Foods Of The States, Ranked And Mapped

For the mercifully unacquainted, "Cincinnati chili," the worst regional foodstuff in America or anywhere else, is a horrifying diarrhea sludge (most commonly encountered in the guise of the "Skyline" brand) that Ohioans slop across plain spaghetti noodles and hot dogs as a way to make the rest of us feel grateful that our own crap-eating is (mostly) figurative. The only thing "chili" about it is the shiver that goes down your spine when you watch Ohio sports fans shoveling it into their maws on television and are forced to reckon with the cold reality that, for as desperately as you might cling to faltering notions of community and universality, ultimately your fellow human beings are as foreign and unknowable to you as the surface of Pluto, and you are alone and always have been and will die alone, a world unto yourself unmarked and unmapped and totally, hopelessly isolated.

But wait! This abominable garbage-gravy isn't just sensorily and spiritually disgustingâ€”it's culturally grotesque, too! What began as an ethnic curio born of immigrant make-doâ€”a Greek-owned chili parlor that took its "Skyline" name from its view of the city of Cincinnatiâ€”is now a hulking private-equity-owned corporate monolith that gins up interest in its unmistakably abhorrent product by engineering phony groups of "chili fanatics" to camp out in advance of the opening of new chains, in locations whose residents would otherwise see this crap-broth for what it is and take up torches and truncheons to drive it back into the wilderness.

Whatever virtue this bad-tasting Z-grade atrocity once contained derived from its exemplification of a set of certain cherished American fablesâ€”immigrant ingenuity, the cultural melting pot, old things combining into new thingsâ€”and has now been totally swamped and consumed by different and infinitely uglier American realities: the commodification of culture; the transmutation of authentic artifacts of human life into hollow corporate brand divisions; the willingness of Americans to slop any horrible god**mn thing into their freaking mouths if it claims to contain some byproduct of a cow and comes buried beneath a pyramid of shredded, waxy, safety-cone-orange "cheese."

Cincinnati chili is the worst, saddest, most depressing god**mn thing in the world. If it came out of the end of your digestive system, you would turn the color of chalk and call an ambulance, but at least it'd make some sense. The people of Ohio see nothing wrong with inserting it into their mouths, which perhaps tells you everything you need to know about the Buckeye State. Don't eat it. Don't let your loved ones eat it. Turn away from the darkness, and toward the deep-dish pizza.
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