The Good, the Bad and the Ugly; Week 5

Discussion in 'NFL General Discussion' started by steeljake75, Oct 11, 2015.

  1. steeljake75

    steeljake75 Rookie

    Week 5 is just about in the books so you know what that means... Time for us to make known our thoughts and pontificate on that which we are most likely unqualified to do so on. Or something like that. Mostly to talk trash and laugh at millionaires, but it sounded better that way now didn't it? Dallas still sucks, Oakland and Baltimore do too, the Pats and Packers can't be stopped... ah yes... business as usual. Well... almost. We have a near bungles sighting but not quite. And of course Peyton Manning throws zero td's once again and his team wins. Go figure. Let's get a these four things I know are true and then to the meat shall we!!?!?

    - The Saints and Lions are right back to being losers...

    - You know you suck when the Browns throw for 450 yards against you and you lose in overtime

    - The Eagles might be bad, but they Ain't the Ain'ts bad

    - Matt Hasselbeck is currently a better qb than Andrew Luck... and he is old enough to be Andrew's dad.

    Let's get right to the meat!!! (Still no Arby's sponsorship)

    The Good

    - Indianapolis Colts

    The truth is the Texans are really that bad. I mean a 40 year old QB with the flu throwing to a 34 year old wide out. Yea... Your franchise qb is 'hurt' until you lose again I am sure as well. Oh well.. a win is a win. 2 in a row at that... yeee haw!!

    - Atlanta Falcons

    A mark of a good team is can you win when your stars struggle. Matty Ice didn't look so nice yet the dirty birds found a way to win... albeit against the Redskins. The defense stepped up and once again Devonta Freeman ran like a man on fire. Who knew... a strong defense and running game could equal wins?

    - Cleveland Browns

    36 of 51 for 457 yards and 2 td's. That is a career stat line for a Browns qb in the real world. But in the mixed up mashed up world in which we live now, that is Josh Mcown's line for the day against the Baltimore Ravens. Yea... that team that used to have a vaunted defense. This is not your father's Brown's... maybe your grandfathers though. Jim Brown is pretending to smile.

    - Green Bay Packers

    Yawn... Captain Double Check and the Relaxers roll on. Yes I realize The Discount King threw 2 'picks' but 2 in his last like 5 million at home is ok. 5-0... and we are all hoping for an undefeated show down in week 8...

    - Chicago Bears

    Wow... I don't even know how this happened... besides Charles blowing out his knee and rendering the Chiefs weaponless. Oh well who cares anyways?

    - Philadelphia Eagles

    The cure for a losing streak? Play a team worse than you. No this doesn't mean all is right in the city of cheese steaks and throwing snowballs at Santa Claus. Bradford still threw 2 picks. Chips Kelly will not be back next year... Brian Dawkins is not pleased.

    - Buffalo Bills

    Yup... a win is a win in this case. 1 point over a team helmed by a rookie. Go Rex go!!!

    - Arizona Cardinals

    Hey!! You guys are back, you are elite... no I'm just kidding... The Lions are awful... lol. They made Chris Johnson look like CJ2k. Yikes that is not good. Next up 3 in a row against Carson's old division. Got get em boys!!!

    - New England Patriots

    I think at this point if it is not 30-0 by the first quarter you can assume Bellicheat and Brady are just messing with you. People do see that giant tight end they call Gronk though right? I am confused about how he always seems to be wide open week after week. Anyways... keep the wins coming.

    - Denver Broncos

    Zero. Zilch. Nadda. None. That is exactly how many touch downs Peyton Manning threw today... and they still won. Yes it was Oakland but still. That defense is doing work and until they stop this team will continue to roll. 5-0 is 5-0. Come on week 8...

    - New York Football Giants

    A last minute drive and a pass into coverage. Yep... the G-men have righted the ship. The only team really worried about them is the Pats tho... Go on with your bad self Huckleberry- Eli!

    Now for our weekly musical interlude...


    Now back to the program!!!

    The Bad

    - Washington Redskins

    Nope. Not this week. You tried and you almost made it, but so close yet so far away. The Eagles come back in a few weeks right?

    - St. Louis Rams

    These four things for Coach Fischer:

    - Gurly is Manly

    - Nick Foles is not Steve McMair

    - That front 7 is 17 deep... but where is your secondary?

    - There is no such thing as a moral victory in the NFL


    - Tampa Bay Buccaneers

    In Haiku!!!!

    Doug Martin is beast,
    33 fantasy points,
    Jameison needs work.

    Yes I know you won, but it was the Jaguars and you struggled... stfu.

    - Tennessee Titans

    So close yet so far away huh guys? Rookies will throw picks and inexperienced teams give up 10 point leads. It is what it is.

    - Oakland Raiders

    Seabass misses a field goal and Carr throws a pick late. The play calling out there in Oakland is suspect but hey... Charles Woodson is doing work!!!

    And now we move on to those that just are awful... awful like Oreo's with no milk, steak without a potato, spaghetti without meatballs... you get it right? This is....

    The Ugly​

    - Houston Texans

    Your choices at qb are Ryan Mallet and Bryan Hoyer. This is like having to choose which wrench to get hit in the face with. Maybe O'Brien gets another year, but only if JJ Watt allows it. I am still rooting for Watt at qb...

    - Baltimore Ravens

    Yea... You lost to the Browns and let Josh Mcown throw for 457 yards. Great job everyone, all of us at ESPN are really proud. Me and Trent are pretty sure us and the countdown crew could do better. I am not amused.

    Ray Lewis

    - Kansas City Chiefs

    So Alex Smith was already a liability now Jamal is out. Even Andy's 'Stache is worried now. Is there any hope? Will the waffle house run out of hash browns? Will the record for White Castle's consumed on a Tuesday ever be broken? Stay tuned to find out. By the way... Tony Gonzales says hi!!!

    - New Orleans Saints

    Oh when the Saints,
    Lose again.
    Oh When Saints get beat again.
    Oh I want to bet on that number, when the Saints won't lose again.

    We have the over/under at 11.5 losses. Buh bye Sean and Rob!!!

    - Jacksonville Jaguars

    Yea... you can't even beat a team lead by a rookie. Move to LA already. Do it right meow!!!

    - Detroit Lions

    0-16 is on the horizon. Interesting fact... Quarterbacks Dan Orlovsky, who came in for the benched Stafford, and Drew Stanton, who played garbage time for the Cards, were both on the 2008 0-16 Lions. Creepy huh? Jim Caldwell better show some Denny Green emotion or something soon...

    - Dallas Cowboys

    Down goes Dallas and I couldn't be happier. No franchise losing makes me happier than watching a team run by an idiot like Jerry Jones that sees no issues with first off hiring a scum bag like Greg Hardy but then sees nothing wrong with him saying he is coming out guns blazing and making remarks about another player's wife. Even that clueless dolt Jason Garret knew Hardy's comments were out of line. Keep the losing up you jerks. And yes Jerry, Terry's impression of you was dead on.

    - San Francisco 49ers

    Still think Colin Kaepernick is a franchise quarterback? I bet some of you think Jim Tomsula and his excellent clock management skills are going to lead to a winner too. That is one long flight back to the west coast I am glad I am not on.

    That is all we have for now folks tune in next week when we will hear Andy Reid say" Can I get 6 24 packs to go please?" Please remember that this is only my opinion and that and $5.00 will get you a pot pie that is soooo yummy.

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    SportsChump likes this.
  2. Diesel44

    Diesel44 Serial Killer

  3. DawkinsINT

    DawkinsINT Tebow free since 9/5/2015.

  4. Diesel44

    Diesel44 Serial Killer

    did'nt heart about it. i went to a game at rfk and a guy pulled a gun on me and my friends. thought i was a cop.i told him to kiss my ass and he laughed and offered me a tote.
  5. smeags

    smeags militant geek

  6. Diesel44

    Diesel44 Serial Killer

    that is seriously f**k**ed up! i agree,had it happened in philly,obama would have called third army into take over the city!
  7. SportsChump

    SportsChump Well-Known

  8. Diesel44

    Diesel44 Serial Killer