XLI WORST SUPER BOWL MOMENTS (Part One)Back by popular demand (okay, no one asked for it but what the hell?), here's our look at the worst moments from each and every Super Bowl. First, Part One, covering the first 20 Super Bowls. Super Bowl I: How overmatched were the Chiefs in the first NFL-AFL Championship Game, against the Packers? Kansas City's secondary was so bad that it was unable to contain a receiver who was: (1) old; (2) white; and (3) as of the night before the game, drunk. [Chiefs cornerback Willie Mitchell couldn't keep up with a guy who looked more like he should be tearing tickets than catching passes.] Super Bowl II: The Raiders picked their own pockets against the Packers, coughing up two fumbles and a pick-six in a game that, statistically, was much closer than its final score. As if that ever mattered. ["Okay, whose thumb is up my ass?"] Super Bowl III:Jets quarterback Joe Namath should've tried to kiss Colts quarterback Earl Morrall after he failed to notice that primary receiver Jimmy Orr was wide-freakin'-open on a gadget play that had resulted in an easy score for Orr when it was called during the regular season. [Broadway Joe checks to see if Suzy Kolber is working the sidelines.] Super Bowl IV: Hank Stram didn't realize that continuously repeating the phrase "65 toss power trap" can induce complete and total paralysis. Super Bowl V: Capping off a game that saw ten total turnovers, Cowboys quarterback Craig Morton threw an interception with only 69 ticks left in regulation, allowing the Colts to win the game with a chip-shot three-pointer as time expired. [Rookie kicker Jim O'Brien celebrates the game-winning field goal as Earl Morrall finally realizes that Jimmy Orr was wide-freakin'-open two years earlier.] Super Bowl VI: From the Dolphins' perspective, the entire game falls into the "abject humiliation" category but the manner in which they were snitch-slapped by the Cowboys makes their ability to turn it around and go undefeated in 1972 seem even more impressive. [Roger Staubach whispers to Tom Landry: "Coach, can you tell Ditka to quit scratching his junk in the huddle?"] Super Bowl VII: Is there any doubt? Garo Yepremian's hot-potato routine turned what would have been the only Super Bowl shutout into a final score that creates the impression of a close game. Super Bowl VIII: An undersized Vikings defense was so overwhelmed by the Dolphins' running attack that Miami threw only seven passes in the 24-7 rout. [Larry Csonka realizes that it might have been wise to mount that horseshoe thing on his helmet a little farther south.] Super Bowl IX: Fatal miscues by Fran Tarkenton (a bungled pitch resulting in a safety) and Bill Brown (a fumbled kick return to start the second half) frustrated the efforts of the Vikings' bend-but-don't-break defense to keep Minnesota in the game. [Steelers linebacker Jack Lambert tries to kill quarterback Fran Tarkenton with his breath . . . and nearly succeeds.] Super Bowl X: Cliff Harris's taunt of kicker Roy Gerela following a missed field goal caught the attention of Steelers linebacker Jack Lambert, who threw Harris to the ground like a bag of wet books. [Lambert also had to be restrained from devouring Cowboys running back Robert Newhouse's spleen.] Super Bowl XI: Brent McClanahans first-quarter fumble on the Oakland goal line triggered that "here we go again" vibe, opening the floodgates for 16 second-quarter points by the Raiders, en route to a 32-14 vanquishing of the 0-4 Vikings. [FONT=arial,helvetica] [/FONT] [Raiders defensive lineman John Matusak says to a reporter, "I think this fat butt just crapped on my shoulder."] Super Bowl XII: Broncos quarterback Craig Morton threw as many balls into the hands of his own receivers (4) as he tossed into the mitts of Cowboys defenders (4). Mercifully, Morton was yanked in quarter number (3). Super Bowl XIII: For dropping a touchdown catch that could have pulled the Cowboys into a 21-21 tie with the Steelers in the third quarter, Jackie Smith's name appears in the Guinness Book of World Records as the catalyst for the "Most Persons Simultaneously Uttering the Phrase 'Aw, Sh-t!'" Super Bowl XIV: Quarterback Vince Ferragamo threw an interception to Steelers linebacker Jack Lambert as the Rams were driving for the go-ahead score late in the game, which would've erased that defense-splitting over-the-shoulder touchdown catch by John Stallworth from the pantheon of great Super Bowl moments. Super Bowl XV: ESPN chalk-talker Ron Jaworski got his "X"'s and "O"'s crossed three times too many, giving little-known Raiders linebacker Rod Martin his day in the limelight as the recipient of each of the interceptions. Super Bowl XVI: As Super Bowl legend goes, 49ers linebacker Jack Reynolds unwound after that game-altering goal-line stand by urinating along the sideline, surrounded by teammates. Fortunately for coach Bill Walsh, that whole Gatorade bath thing hadn't been invented yet. [Hacksaw was doing the wee-wee dance not long after helping keep the Bengals out of the end zone.] Super Bowl XVII: Dolphins coach Don Shula sent all eleven of his defenders toward the line of scrimmage on the Redskins' fateful fourth-and-inches from the Miami 43, allowing John Riggins to bulldoze cornerback Don McNeal and chug into NFL immortality. [We know this photo was taken years before Riggins rumbled for the Redskins, but we've never seen an non-Italian white guy sprout such an impressive 'fro.] Super Bowl XVIII: Underestimating the Raiders' ability to recall a play that the Redskins used under identical circumstances during the regular-season meeting of the Super Bowl teams, coach Joe Gibbs insisted on a screen pass to Joe Washington with 12 seconds left in the first half and Raiders linebacker Jack Squirek knew it was coming. Game over. Super Bowl XIX: Dan Marino's only Super Bowl appearance was marred by the failure of the Miami defense to also make the trip to Stanford Stadium. 537 yards and 38 points later, Marino was undeterred. ["It's okay. I'll be back. Lots of times."] Super Bowl XX: With the game in hand, Bears coach Mike Ditka calls a goal-line run not by Walter Payton but by fat-boy-of-the-month William "Refrigerator" Perry. As a result, the record books show that the Fridge has one career Super Bowl rushing touchdown and that Payton has zero. [Was it a spike? Or was the Fridge merely trying to make sure the ball was dead before eating it?] XLI WORST SUPER BOWL MOMENTS (Part Two) Super Bowl XXI: Holding a 10-7 lead in the second quarter and with a first-and-goal on the Giants' one, the Broncos get stoned on three straight plays -- and then barefoot kicker Rich Karlis misses a 23-yard field goal. New York goes on to outscore Denver 32-3 before a garbage-time touchdown from the Broncos. [We sincerely hope that whoever came up with the idea of kicking a football with a bare foot will spend a long, slow eternity as Satan's personal shish-ka-bob.] Super Bowl XXII: The Broncos cough up a whopping 35 points in the second quarter, blowing a ten-point lead and running their all-time record in the big game to 0-3. [John Elway was feeling pretty good when Denver raced out to a 10-0 lead. 42 points later, he was on his was to becoming his generation's Fran Tarkenton, at least for half of another generation.] Super Bowl XXIII: Bengals running back Stanley Wilson becomes the first of three players in Super Bowl history to create avoidable off-field distractions that preceded his team's defeat, by getting coked up the day before a close loss to the 49ers. [In a lighter moment prior to the big game, Norman Esiason shows off little Boomer.] Super Bowl XXIV: There were not one but 3600 dreadful moments for the Broncos as they allowed eight touchdowns to Joe Montana and the 49ers in the most lopsided Super Bowl ever. [Joe Montana ran like a constipated gorilla, which makes his accomplishments with his arm, head, and heart even more impressive.] Super Bowl XXV: It's easy to pick on Bills kicker Scott Norwood for missing a 47-yarder that would've given Buffalo the title against the arguably inferior Giants. But the inability of the Bills' defense to get off the field through three looooong second-half drives was the real reason the G-men won their second title in five seasons. [We doubt that it contributed to the missed kick, but Norwood's form reminds us of that big white plastic quarterback-kicker thing from our old electric football game.] Super Bowl XXVI: Bills running back Thurman Thomas missed the team's first offensive series because he lost his damn helmet. [Michael Irvin slipped this picture into the notes of Thurman's Hall of Fame speech.] Runner up: Quarterback Jim Kelly threw four picks and did his best impression of the Weekend at Bernie's dude. Super Bowl XXVII: Though Leon Lett's 1993 Thanksgiving Day blunder determined the outcome of the game, his showboating kept the 'Boys from hanging 59 total points on the Bills, thanks to an admirable dose of heart and hustle from receiver Don Beebe. [Word is that Beebe had "2" and "7" in the office pool.] Super Bowl XXVIII: James Washingtons 46-yard fumble return for a touchdown knotted the game at 13, and thrust the Cowboys to their second straight championship -- and the Bills to their fourth straight loss. ["Hey, Marino -- I see you laughing over there. You ain't got no rings, either."] Super Bowl XXIX: In a not-so-subtle diss of Hall-of-Famer Joe Montana, 49ers quarterback Steve Young undermined his MVP performance by repeatedly throwing an invisible monkey off of his back once the game was in hand. [Get. A. Room.] Super Bowl XXX: With the game in the balance, Steelers quarterback Neil O'Donnell found a wide-open Larry Brown in the right flat, who took the ball down to the one. Brown, unfortunately, was wearing a Cowboys jersey. [O'Donnell taught Kordell Stewart everything he knows. Unfortunately.] Super Bowl XXXI: The rumored departure of Pats coach Bill Parcells didn't help New England bridge the talent gap with the Packers, and those rumors came to fruition when the Tuna didn't fly with his team back to Massachusetts, eventually bolting for the Jets. ["Let me say it one more time. Just so we're clear. I want to buy the groceries, cook the food, eat the food, and then crap down your throat."] Super Bowl XXXII: Packers coach Mike Holmgren instructs his defense to allow the Broncos to score the game-winning touchdown from the one, just after the two-minute warning. After the game, Holmgren admits that he made a mistake. ["I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean, S-M-A-R-T."] Super Bowl XXXIII: The night before the game, Falcons safety Eugene Robinson tries to buy a Hummer. The problem, of course, is that he wasn't at a car dealership. [Busted and toasted, both in one looooong day.] Super Bowl XXXIV: It's easy to pick on quarterback Steve McNair for not throwing the ball closer to the end zone on the final play, but the Titans never would've been playing beat the clock if their vaunted "D" hadn't choked on a 73-yard touchdown pass from Kurt Warner to Isaac Bruce after Tennessee had clawed back from a 16-point deficit. [When talking breathlessly about how close Kevin Dyson got to the end zone on the last play of the game, why is it that no one ever shows this angle?] Super Bowl XXXV: Ravens owner Art Modell's "I have a stroke" victory dance didn't occur on Super Sunday, but the Lombardi Trophy is forever tarnished nonetheless. [Either Modell was trying to dance, or he was attempting to show Ray Lewis how to properly jam a knife into a guy's ribs.] Super Bowl XXXVI: Displaying a head of solid stone (brain included), Rams coach Mike Martz continues to call pass plays even though the Patriots use seven defensive backs for much of the game. ["I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean, S-M-A-R-T."] Super Bowl XXXVII: Barret Robbins detour to Tijuana was the first big slip in a five-year slide for the Raiders, which has seen the proudest franchise in football virtually disintegrate. [Rich Gannon says: "Make sure you take Rod with you, man. He looks Mexican."] Super Bowl XXXVIII: The furor over the Janet Jackson debacle overshadowed Kid Rock's desecration of the flag. [Thousands have died for it. Kid Rock used it as a fashion statement. Idiot.] Super Bowl XXXIX: Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb couldn't have picked a worse time to start coughing up Chunky Soup than crunch time of an effort to mount a comeback against the Patriots. [Donovan should have been looking down after the game, in order to avoid stepping into a mess of his own lung gravy.] Super Bowl XL: Yeah, the Steelers won. Yeah, Hines Ward was the MVP. But the dude . . . was . . . skipping. Super Bowl XLI: Before the game, ESPN shouting head Sean Salisbury proclaimed emphatically that, if return specialist Devin Hester took a kick return to the house, the Bears would win. Hester did. The Bears didn't. Salisbury nevertheless remained employed. [Salisbury's guarantee overlooked the fact that Rex Grossman was playing quarterback for Chicago.]
I'm guessing you started hating it once they showed Super Bowl XXXIX I like the Super Bowl XX one with Perry having a rushing TD and Payton not.
