Well, as I predicted, last Sunday's twin inter-division NFC West showdowns were ugly and about as unwatchable as NFL games can possibly get.
Unfortunately, that's about all I got right. Some guys I liked - Marc Bulger of the Rams, Kurt Warner of the Cardinals - were absolute tire fires out there, while other ones I had high hopes for like Seattle WR Deion Branch and Cardinals WR Steve Breaston were late scratches from the lineup after not even being on the injury report.
I did nail a couple of picks, with Seahawks RB Julius Jones, 49ers WR Isaac Bruce, and Rams WR Donnie Avery having okay games, and 49ers RB Frank Gore, Cardinals RB Beanie Wells, Seahawks WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and Rams RB Steven Jackson crapping the bed like I thought they would, but generally it was a disaster.
In particular I feel like a bonehead for telling people to stay away from Seahawks TE John Carlson, who was an absolute beast in Week 1 with 95 receiving yards and two TDs.
Rustyn's recap spells out all the carnage in painstaking detail and while you're welcome to re-live the horror show, I'm ready to put it behind me and move on to Week 2. In fact, the games can't come here soon enough.
There's another division clash on the slate this Sunday, but the Cardinals and Rams have to head east to unfamiliar locales, with the former heading to Jacksonville and the latter to D.C. Like the doctor said to my mother when I was born, "This is going to get ugly."
Seattle at San Francisco: The match-up I absolutely love here is the Seahawks Defense. Not only did they pitch an opening day shutout against the flaccid Rams last week, but now they face a 49ers unit that managed only 203 yards at Arizona despite winning the game and ran for only 21 yards, a franchise-low in a victory. The Seahawks sacked San Francisco 13 times in two meetings last year and the 49ers allowed four take downs of QB Shaun Hill in Week 1.
The 49ers have a miserable time covering backs and tight ends, so by all means play Jones and Carlson if you've got 'em. Jones in all likelihood won't be as productive in the running game as he was against the Rams, but he'll make up for it as a check-down receiver for QB Matt Hasselbeck, especially if the 49ers are foolish enough to match up SS Michael Lewis or ILB Takeo Spikes on him.
I dislike all of Seattle's WRs against San Francisco's solid secondary, and I'm pretty lukewarm on Hasselbeck as well, as I generally dislike him on the road.
Green Light: Seattle Defense, TE John Carlson, RB Julius Jones
Yellow Light: QB Matt Hasselbeck, WR Nate Burleson
Red Light: WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh
From the 49ers perspective, Bruce remains the play as a flex receiver if you've got him on your roster. I expect San Francisco to be trailing from the get-go and they'll be airing it out in the second half. The Seahawks had the worst pass defense against bombs last year and Hill and Bruce connected on a 50-yarder already last week.
If you're in a league with individual defensive players, LB Patrick Willis is as close to a lock for a consistent performer as you can have. With San Francisco having such a weak offense you know he's going to be on the field a ton and he plays in literally every personnel package for them. The guy is such a solid tackler and has so much range, he cleans up a lot of other people's mistakes.
Also, if you're in a league where you have to play two QBs, Hill would be worth a look here. He's going to be closer to 40 pass attempts than 20 before this game's over.
I'm still loathe to take a chance on TE Vernon Davis or Gore. Defenses are going to stack the box against him until the 49ers prove they can pass it consistently, so his only value right now is as a LaDainian Tomlinson-style touchdown poacher.
Green Light: WR Isaac Bruce, LB Patrick Willis
Yellow Light: QB Shaun Hill, RB Frank Gore
Red Light: TE Vernon Davis, WR Josh Morgan, San Francisco Defense
Projected Outcome: Seahawks 27, 49ers 20
St. Louis at Washington: Who do I like on the Rams? The easy answer is nobody, as the Rams look like they might be the worst team in football. However, often lousy teams make for fantasy gold, so with St. Louis it's just a matter of mining the right cave.
The Redskins didn't allow any rushing touchdowns to a load like Giants RB Brandon Jacobs, so I don't know why anyone would expect Rams RB Jackson to be any better. Also, I took one shot with Bulger, he was completely useless for me, and I've just about given up on him. Both he and Panthers QB Jake Delhomme look shell-shocked to me.
The Giants secondary looked sufficiently wobbly against secondary Washington WR Antwaan Randle El for me to think it might be worth taking a chance on St. Louis WR Laurent Robinson.
Again, if you're in a defensive player league, LB James Laurinaitis would be a good pickup. He's going to play a lot and if he's not making tackles for the Rams, I'm not sure who will.
Speaking of tackling, our own Ray Tannock tackled this match-up from the Washington perspective, and he was far too merciful on the lambs, I think.
Green Light: LB James Laurinaitis
Yellow Light: RB Steven Jackson, WR Laurent Robinson, TE Randy McMichael
Red Light: QB Marc Bulger, WR Donnie Avery
Projected Outcome: Washington 23, St. Louis 13
Arizona at Jacksonville: Finally we come to an intra-conference matchup, and those are always wild and wacky because of how rarely the teams play one another.
The way the Jaguars covered (or rather, didn't) Colts WR Reggie Wayne last Sunday, those of you who have WR Larry Fitzgerald on your rosters have to be drooling this week. Fitzgerald had 71 yards and a touchdown last week, and that was an off game for him against a guy, 49ers CB Nate Clements, who plays him better than anyone.
I forecast big things for Warner last week and he failed me, but I don't see it happening two weeks in a row. the Jags only sacked Colts QB Peyton Manning one time and the man who notched it, DE Reggie Heyward, is now on IR. I think Warner's going to have more time to throw on Sunday than he did against San Francisco.
WR Anquan Boldin will probably be healthier with his hamstring and RB Beanie Wells should get more playing time as well, but I'd hold off on both of them for a bit. The more Wells plays, the less RB Tim Hightower will, meaning both are guys to avoid.
Green Light: WR Larry Fitzgerald, QB Kurt Warner
Yellow Light: WR Anquan Boldin
Red Light: RB Tim Hightower, RB Beanie Wells
Projected Outcome: Arizona 27, Jacksonville 26