The Super Bowl Shuffle
A) A bunch of grown men in Bears uniforms who can’t sing moving slowly and awkwardly back and forth, equipped with Blues Brothers sunglasses and instruments they can’t play.
B) A yearly occurrence at the end of every fantasy season, wherein you set and reset your lineup, desperate to win your league championship.
C) What the Seattle Seahawks, Denver Broncos, San Francisco 49ers, Carolina Panthers (?!) or New England Patriots will be doing in a few short weeks.
D) All of the Above
E) None of the Above
The agony of success. Making the championship game carries with it prestige, excitement, glory, a sense of accomplishment, and above all an overwhelming feeling of, “Don’t f*** this up.”
I’ve been there. I’m there again this year, and it never gets any easier. In my longest-standing league, I am fighting my best friend for the title. My lineup is, like many strong teams, fairly easy to set… save one position. My flex has been a nightmare. The most recent setback occurred, hey, just Monday, when Cecil Shorts was sent to the IR. Even before Shorts was officially out of the question I had changed my flex starter at least fifty times, and that’s before waiver claims processed for the week.
My situation, I am well aware, is not unique. In fact, you wouldn’t need a Cylon brain to determine that the entire point of this rankings piece is to help you with precisely the decision described above. But perhaps by stating it so plainly you may garner some sense of calm from this plain statement: you are not alone.
And so, for the 20% of the millions of you who are still alive, still kicking your way to the title, I give you the best help I can give a solitary fellow title-seeker…
Week 16 Top 75
1. Jamaal Charles
2. Matt Forte
3. Lesean McCoy
4. Marshawn Lynch
5. DeMarco Murray
6. Alfred Morris
7. Adrian Peterson
8. Eddie Lacy
9. Calvin Johnson
10. AJ Green
11. Josh Gordon
12. Zac Stacy
13. Knowshon Moreno
14. Brandon Marshall
15. Alshon Jeffery
The Big Boys
Yeah, that’s the way I’d rank them. The Cowboys are terrible against the pass, the run, hell you could probably even swim in a touchdown against them. Let’s hope Alfred Morris can do one of the three. It’s strange to see Adrian Peterson all the way down at seven, I know, but the matchup isn’t Tom Terrific and, you know, the whole injury thing. The Chicago-Philadelphia game is the biggest one in Marc Trestman’s young career and (possibly) a thoroughly insignificant one for the 2013 Eagles. As such, I like all of the Bears stars this week. If you have them, you’ve likely done well by them. Keep on ridin’.
16. Le’Veon Bell
17. Reggie Bush
18. Dez Bryant
19. Frank Gore
20. Antonio Brown
21. Ryan Matthews
22. Demaryius Thomas
23. Pierre Garcon
24. Jimmy Graham
25. Desean Jackson
26. Keenan Allen
27. Vincent Jackson
28. Wes Welker
29. Eric Decker
30. Jordy Nelson
Question Marks and Safety Belts
Obviously I am uncertain of Wes Welker’s status, but I am ranking him as if he plays. Equally unclear is whether or not Aaron Rodgers will play, though I do like Jordy Nelson even with Matt Flynn under center. Ryan Matthews has had an amazing two-game tear where he has had 58(!!) carries for 230 yards and two touchdowns. If not for the amazing performances lately by Jamaal Charles, Josh Gordon, Alshon Jeffery, and Lesean McCoy I think Matthews would be the number one story in all of fantasy. I like him a lot this week against a bad Oakland team. Oh also, love Frank Gore this week. Love.
31. Rashad Jennings
32. Julius Thomas
33. Vernon Davis
34. Ray Rice
35. Marques Colston
36. Giovani Bernard
37. Torrey Smith
38. Michael Crabtree
39. Anquan Boldin
40. Bobby Rainey
41. Chris Johnson
42. Larry Fitzgerald
43. CJ Spiller
44. Shane Vereen
45. Fred Jackson
46. Jason Witten
47. Greg Olsen
48. Mike Wallace
49. Kendall Wright
50. James Jones
Matchups Matter
Obviously, I like all the 49ers this week. I think they walk all over Atlanta on Monday night. Ray Rice at 34? Well, New England has been absolutely terrible against the run of late and in an important home game, I have to believe the Ravens figure that out. Again, James Jones should be ranked higher if we receive information that Aaron Rodgers will indeed play this weekend. And no, I’m not too worried about the Shane Vereen no-show in week 15. Hopefully, your team overcame his poor performance. I think he’s usable again this week. At this moment, it seems Fitz will play and, despite the bad matchup, I think he’s flex-worthy.
51. Jordan Todman
52. Dennis Johnson
53. Riley Cooper
54. Dwayne Bowe
55. Montee Ball
56. Roddy White
57. Danny Amendola
58. DeAngelo Williams
59. Andre Brown
60. Danny Woodhead
61. Lamar Miller
62. Donald Brown
63. Doug Baldwin
64. Greg Jennings
65. Cordarelle Patterson
66. Delanie Walker
67. Rod Streator
68. Antonio Gates
69. Jarret Boykin
70. Tony Gonzalez
71. Charles Clay
72. Chris Ivory
73. Brian Hartline
74. Tyler Eifert
75. Darren Sproles
The Money Round
These marginal decisions which populate the 50-75 ranks are where championships are won and lost. Danny Woodhead may be severely under-ranked given how badly the Raiders were burned on the screen last week, but Ryan Matthews has been receiving a ton of work and it’s hard to trust Woodhead. I think you could do worse than either Minnesota receiver, though I slightly prefer Jennings with Matt Cassel at the helm. With Jermaine Gresham out, Tyler Eifert is a nice risk at tight end if you need to fill the position, or even have a gaping hole at flex. If Dennis Johnson gets enough work, he could win your fantasy week, but something scares me about the Texans playing catchup and abandoning the run. Oh and hey, look at all these Dolphins! Yeah, I think you can play any of the Miami skill players. They’ve been reasonable productive.
Best of luck in what for many is the Super Bowl week. Toodles.
As always you can tweet me, though notice the new handle! @pkaragianis
_PDK